When Worlds Crumble
by uNperfectXxXx
Summary: Logan feels like his friends forgot about him due to their new lifestyle in LA. He tries to hide it, but on the inside he's hurting worse than ever. What will happen when he finally breaks under the pressure? Non-slash. Rated T for Angst and cussing.
1. There's only so much I can take

**Sooo, first non-slash fanfic, yeii :D Also my very first multi-chaptered thing, so please be nice :) I actually kinda like this one, because come on, we all love Logan angst ;) It also was very easy to write so far, it's just been coming to me and I was like writing and writing and writing. Let's just hope that it stays that way... So now enjoy and tell me what you think afterwards! :) Greetz **

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><p><strong>When Worlds Crumble<strong>

**Ch. 1 – There's only so much I can take**

Logan was so fed up with it.

Everything he was and everything he would ever be, it just downright sucked. He wasn't like his friends, all shiny and brave and contagiously happy. He wasn't strong or tough or talented. No, he was just Logan. Scrawny, nerdy, insignificant little Logan. And he had been totally okay with that while he and his friends had lived in Minnesota. Back then he had at least the feeling that the boys cared about him though he was like this. They used to stand up for him when he was bullied (which happened more often than not) and spent their afternoons with him. But now in LA they had changed, although they all had made a promise that fame wouldn't affect their friendship in any way. They left him behind for unknown reasons or just turned him down when he spoke. All of the friendship they had built up over years was slowly falling apart under his hands and he just didn't understand why. There were times Logan wondered if his so called friends even noticed him or what he did anymore. For example when he made breakfast for everyone when they were late. Or when he did the dishes all by himself even though it was Kendall's turn. Or the countless times he did all of their school work. Back at home they would've patted him on his back or at least said a small „Thank you" for his kindness. Why not now? It just didn't make sense to him.

Whatever it was that made his friends act like they did, he loathed it. And consequently this meant he loathed himself. No, let's be honest, he hated himself. He hated that he was smart, because everyone teased him about it, hated that he was weak and hated that he was small. But what he hated the most was that he was literally addicted to his friends. Like no matter how hard he tried to get away and move on he would always end up sticking to them without a chance of changing that. And oh yes, he had tried more than a few times to do so. But it never worked. It wouldn't ever work. He was just too weak.

Logan was nothing without his friends and he knew it. This was one of the reasons why all of the ignoring-him-stuff affected him so much. He thought that maybe, just maybe, fate didn't hate him and let all of this happen for a reason. Maybe as a chance for him to man up and try to go on without them. After all he really couldn't blame them for not wanting to have him as a burden in their lives anymore. Who would, honestly? So Logan had decided to just let them keep their distance. He would deal with the pain as always, maybe that was his very own destiny. He must've been a really bad person in his previous life, because karma was a bitch.

The day he made that decision was the day when Wayne-Wayne had come to the Palm Woods and all of his friends said that he'd be the one kicked out of the band. The worst about this situation was that they didn't even realize how much they hurt him with this statement. It showed him clearly that he was the least important member of the band. Sure, he had known it before and it had even been said out loud, for example by Gustavo, but hearing it from his friends was twice as painful. Despite never hearing an apology he forgave his friends quickly though.

The second incident was the day he spent all night on doing their projects so they could sing at the Rocktober festival. When his friends had finally shown up they only looked once at their finished homework before heading to bed without a word to Logan, leaving him wondering what he had done wrong.

The third time was worst. He had been sick and lay in bed all day vomiting and coughing his guts out. He didn't dare saying a word about how he felt, because he didn't want to bother anyone. His friends were down at the pool and left him in his misery, not even noticing that he wasn't with them. When they were going to sleep that night Kendall complained about how loud Logan's heavy breathing was and said he couldn't sleep like this, so he moved to Carlos' and James' room for three nights. No one bothered asking him if he was alright or how he felt, so when his illness just seemed to increase and the pain in his lungs became unbearable he went to the hospital all by himself. The doctor diagnosed a pretty bad bronchitis and wrote a note about it to Mrs Knight so she could buy him the right medication. Logan tore the paper to pieces the minute he was out of the hospital. Nobody should ever feel forced to take care of him. _He_ was the future doctor after all, he was the one to nurse the others, not the other way round. His recovery was tiring and lasted long. To Logan it was almost like a miracle that nobody noticed anything, he even remembered breaking into coughing fits in front of everyone. But after all he was glad it went like this, there really was no need to bother anyone with his little boo-boos. When he was finally able to come to rehearsal again all he got was a mumbled "About time" from Kendall and yelling from Gustavo at how dare he skip training when there was a concert in five days. Logan had cried himself to sleep that night.

And today was just another normal day at the Palm Woods. He was laying at the pool, book in hand and sunglasses on his nose so no one saw the purple shadows under his eyes. He hadn't gotten any sleep lately, not that anyone knew, and he was way too stubborn to go to a doctor and let somebody take care of it. He didn't want to put anybody out because of something so meaningless like insomnia. So he just sat there, tired but not able to actually sleep and tried to get through the day. Kendall was on the opposite side of the pool, having a date with Jo while James and Carlos splashed in the water. Logan smiled slightly. Beside them being complete jerks towards him he still loved to watch them this happy. He knew he shouldn't think like that, but it was better than just sulking around because they didn't like him. Right?

Logan sighed and buried his nose back in his book, closing his eyes behind the glasses. The sun was way too hot today for him to stay outside that long, so he decided to head back to 2J to cool off a bit. He rose from his seat and strolled along the side of the pool towards the main building, when something hit his leg. Hard. So hard that he lost balance and landed face first on the ground. His glasses broke and a shard sliced his right cheek, leaving a deep wound all over his face. The pain came so sudden that he couldn't help his sharp cry and the tears forming in his eyes. Behind him he could hear the laughter of his best friends, who weren't aware of him hurting himself. They grabbed his legs and despite all his struggling pulled him into the water. When James grabbed hold of his head and dunked him, Logan couldn't help but scream at the sharp pain as his open flesh made contact with the water. Nobody heard him sobbing under the water when he couldn't hold back his tears of pain anymore. Due to his crying the remaining air in his lungs left him way too soon. He tried to escape James' hold, but the other's grip was vice like and didn't move an inch. _Weak_, he thought bitterly. _I'm always too weak. _

Eventually his body went limp from the lack of oxygen and James seemed to notice it for he pulled him back up over the surface. Logan gasped for air, covering the cut on his cheek with one hand quickly so nobody would worry about him (not that anybody would anyway) and made his way out of the pool before Carlos or James could react. They tried to grab him again, but he crawled out of their reach before standing up, gathering the shards of his broken sunglasses and hurrying away.

"Aww, come on, don't be a little bitch, Logie", Carlos teased slyly, which earned him a chuckle of James.

"Yeah, come back in here. If you dare", he added in a mocking tone. "Or is little Logie scared of getting wet?"

Logan lowered his eyes. Nobody ever saw the look of pure hurt on his face. He felt sadness rise inside of him but simply kept walking, afraid of what he might say. After all, he didn't want to upset his friends. He didn't have anyone else and he couldn't mess up the only thing he had left in his life.

So he acted normal, just took all the teasing insults pointed at him and walked briskly into the lobby. He flinched slightly, but didn't stop when Bitters called him stupid for getting his floor all wet.

When he finally reached 2J he practically ran inside and slammed the door shut. He slid down the closest wall and for once allowed himself to let the tears fall, finally breaking down under the pressure of being left alone. Every little drop of water cascading down his cheeks felt like it weighed a ton. Every sob escaping his dry lips was like a knife stabbing his heart. He cried alone for what felt like hours until his throat was sore and he could only whimper.

Eventually everything fell silent. Logan felt empty, like all of his emotions had been washed away with his tears. Unfortunately the pain was still there, throbbing inside his heart and his head. He shivered and hugged his knees tightly to his chest. He didn't want to be alone anymore. He never was a loner, he needed comfort and friendship and... warmth. Why couldn't anyone see? Why wouldn't anyone love him?

_Because you are disgusting_, an evil voice in his head said. _Just look at you. You're fucked up. Who would want a friend like you?_

Logan clutched his head and shook it rapidly, but his mind didn't stop repeating the one word he hated the most because it was so true over and over again.

_Worthless, worthless, worthless, worth-_

"_AAAAH!_" A scream cut through the silence of the apartment, scaring Logan to death before he realized that it was his own voice making this blood-curdling sound. But it seemed to help. The whispering in his mind ebbed away and he could finally open his eyes again. Eventually his lungs gave out and the echo of his scream slowly faded away in his ears. He slumped down, no energy left in his sore body, listening to his own ragged breath and his thumping heart.

"Who?", he whispered to himself, looking around as if he wanted to find the guilty person. "Who made you this?"

Logan didn't want to believe it, but deep down inside he knew that it wasn't his own, but his friends' fault.

**To Be Continued...**


	2. Would you care?

**Hey everyone! Thank you so much for reviewing, faving, subbing and stuff! I was kinda blown away when I got so much feedback. Keep reviewing guys, it makes me happy ;D So... I don't want to talk too much, let's just continue with the story, shall we? :) Just as a side note, I hate making Kendall, James and Carlos look like jerks in this story, but I had to... Well, they'll come to their senses in future chapters :) Now, enjoy!**

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><p><strong>When Worlds Crumble<strong>

**Ch. 2 - Would you care?**

After long minutes of dull silence Logan had calmed down again. He wiped his running nose and attempted to stand up when he noticed movement across the room. He looked up only to be met by the sight of Katie standing in the door, her eyes wide open in shock. Logan returned her gaze with an equally shocked expression. They stood like that for several moments before Logan found his speech again.

"Katie? What're you doing here?", he croaked, voice still sore from the shouting.

She slowly walked towards him, hands up in defence, like he would run away if she scared him. "I heard you screaming."

Logan hung his head in shame. "Oh", he whispered, trying to get up. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

He was cut off when he felt small arms wrap around his midsection. He opened his eyes in surprise to see Katie hugging him while rubbing his back in slow circular movements. At first he hugged her back only tentatively, but then he gave in, falling to his knees again and pressing himself tightly against her, burrowing his face in the crook of her neck. Logan could have cried again because of the sheer joy he felt right now. Somebody hugged him! Somebody cared about him! A choked sound escaped his throat as he tightened his arms around her, pulling her impossibly closer, as if he was afraid she would be gone at any moment when he let go. He didn't know it, but this small gesture broke Katie's heart. They stood like that for another few minutes until Katie broke the comfortable silence.

"Why do you let them do that to you?", she asked quietly while stroking his hair softly.

"Huh?", he asked, startled by her question.

"Well, Kendall, Carlos and James. They treat you like... I don't even know what to call them. If I were you I would kick their asses", she stated matter of factly before pulling away to take a closer look at Logan's face. She gently touched his sliced cheek. "You're bleeding!" She wrinkled her nose. "And god, you look like shit!"

Logan frowned slightly despite his urge to smile. "Language, Katie!"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, like you care!" Logan couldn't help but laugh softly for the first time in months at her adorableness, but looked sad only moments later again.

"So you noticed?", he asked worriedly. He had tried so hard to pretend everything was normal.

"Yeah, everyone would have", she snorted. "At least everyone who's not as stupid as my brother and his friends." She got up to grab a box of tissues from the counter.

Logan's hope sunk. "And Momma Knight?"

Katie smiled before dropping down next to him again. "Like she'd ever not notice something?" Katie shook her head while wiping Logan's face clean of the blood. "She even wanted to confront you a few times, but you pushed her away. Remember?"

Now that he thought about it, Mrs Knight had indeed been acting a bit strange around him lately. He hung his head. So he _had_ bothered someone after all.

"I'm such a burden", he whispered sadly.

"No you're not."

"Yes I am", he said, a bit louder this time, gently wiping Katie's hand away from his face. "I always try to make life easier for all of you, but still somebody worries about me!" He turned away, closing his eyes."You'd all be doing better without me."

"_Logan Phillip Mitchell!_" Said boy's head shot up when Katie yelled while pointing a finger sharply at him. He crawled a few feet away, shocked at her outburst. She really was like her mother when she was upset. "Don't you ever dare think that! I need you. We all need you. Even though some of us are too dumb to show it."

"No, you don't", he said so quietly that Katie almost didn't catch it. "Thanks for comforting me Katie, it means a lot more to me than you think, but... I just don't deserve it. I'm no use for anybody." He held up his hand when she wanted to protest. "And currently I don't think Kendall, James and Carlos would even notice if I was gone."

Katie couldn't answer to that. Logan stood up slowly.

"I gotta go." He smiled briefly at her. "Thank you so much, Katie. Now I know what I'm gonna do." He ruffled her hair softly before he started walking towards his and Kendall's room.

"Wait!", Katie shouted. The desperation in her voice caused Logan to turn around again. From the look in his eyes the young girl could tell clearly that he wouldn't let her stop him this time. She sighed sadly. It was his decision and she would have to let him do what was best in his opinion. But still... "Just... promise me something", she said quietly. Logan looked at her expectantly.

"Anything."

She eyed him sadly. "And don't do it only for me, but for yourself, too." This statement left Logan confused.

"Um... okay?"

"Don't do something you could regret", she said seriously. "Alright?"

Logan looked down at the ground. How could Katie just see through him like that? And where the hell did she know from that he had once thought about putting a stop to it all? Sure, he had quickly discarded the idea, but it had never completely left his mind. He wanted to ask her, but instead he just murmured. "I will."

How could he ever say no to those eyes?

She narrowed said eyes at him. "I know you're still planning to-"

Suddenly the door burst open, startling the pair and his friends walked in, completely wrapped up in their conversation.

"I told you, there is NO such thing as a wumpydoodle, Carlos", James said in an annoyed tone. Kendall laughed heartedly at how ridiculous James and Carlos were being.

"Yes there is. It's a fish and I saw one just a minute ago", Carlos insisted stubbornly.

"You totally made that..." He stopped dead in his tracks. "Oh... my god, guys!"

Logan's heart pounded hopefully in his chest.

"Momma K bought us cookies!", James squealed excitedly. Logan's face dropped. For one moment he had thought they had noticed him. He shook his head. Why did he always hold his hope up? He should know by now that it was pointless. His gaze locked with Katie's once more. She looked up at her brother and his friends furiously. Just as she was about to say something Logan put his hand on her shoulder. Her head whipped around towards him and she eyed him suspiciously as he shook his head and continued towards his room, once again ignored by his former best friends. It still bothered him, but he was determined now and wouldn't let this distract him anymore.

He closed the door softly as to not disturb his friends and grabbed his duffel bag from under the bed. He walked over to his and Kendall's wardrobe and folded all of his clothes neatly before packing them. He wouldn't need them here anymore. His books, his toilet bag and the other stuff followed quickly and only ten minutes later he stood in the living room, ready to go. Upon seeing him Katie stood up from her seat on the couch and just looked at him for a few seconds before hugging him one last time. Logan could see tears in her eyes when she looked up at him again and his heart throbbed painfully. He prepared himself for her telling him that he shouldn't leave, that it was all a mistake or even that he was being a dumbass, but she didn't say any of that. Her only words were:

"I will miss you, Logan. And they will, too."

He closed his eyes to keep the tears from falling and pressed the girl, that was like a little sister to him, close once more, hearing his friends' laughter in the kitchen.

Logan pulled away, looking her softly in the eye.

"I'll miss you too, Katie." He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Tell Momma K that I love her, okay?"

Katie wiped her tears away before nodding bravely. When Logan turned away to leave she cried out again.

"Wait!" Logan stopped in his tracks. "Don't you want to say goodbye to them?" She pointed towards the kitchen, hope that her brother would knock some sense into him again evident in her eyes.

Logan hung his head before nodding slightly. He didn't want to do this to avoid any further heartbreak, but even if he wouldn't admit it, he still held the same hope that Katie had. Maybe it wasn't all lost. Maybe they could be friends again. Maybe. Too bad that at most times maybe wasn't enough.

When Logan stood in the door frame of the kitchen he saw that Kendall, James and Carlos were busy stuffing their faces with cookies.

"Um... guys?" When he received no answer Logan sighed and raised his voice a bit. "Guys, I'm leaving now."

They didn't even look up from their food, they just waved their hands at him dismissively. A few mumbled "Yeah, yeah, whatever"s were their last words to him before they would probably never see each other again. Logan felt tears pricking his eyes before he turned around and whispered quietly "I love you, guys." And just like that, he was gone.

**To Be Continued...**


	3. And you thought you knew him?

**Thanks for all of your reviews and stuff, I love you guys :) Okay, so here is the next chapter. Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>When Worlds Crumble<strong>

**Ch. 3 – And you thought you knew him?**

Kendall walked out of the kitchen half an hour after Logan left to find Katie sitting on the couch watching TV. He ruffled her hair a bit before slumping down next to her.

"What're you watching, baby sister?"

When Kendall turned to look at her he was surprised to see her literally glaring daggers at him.

"Don't you go 'baby sister' on me!", she spat furiously.

He backed away a bit on instinct. "What's wrong Katie?" He took a closer look at her. "Did you... Have you been crying?"

She stood up, slowly shaking her head.

"You know, Kendall." The way she said his name made it sound like it was some sort of insult. "I always knew you weren't smart, but this time you went over the top. You hurt him, you _all_ did." Now she addressed Carlos and James, who came into the living room upon hearing her yell. "And you didn't even notice it. He's a wreck! And it's all your fault. _Your fault!_" She looked each of them deadly in the eye, silent tears running down her cheeks. They had never seen her so upset before. Kendall tried to touch her, but she flinched away.

"Katie-"

"NO!" She started screaming at the top of her lungs. "HE'S GONE! MY BROTHER'S GONE! AND YOU JERKS DON'T EVEN CARE!" Katie threw herself onto the couch and wept helplessly into one of the pillows. The guys shared a confused look. What the hell was she talking about?

"But... Katie, I'm right here", Kendall said softly.

Katie looked up, suddenly composed again. She wiped her tears away and went to leave the room.

"Why do I even bother?", she murmured quietly to herself.

Kendall grabbed her arm, seriously concerned now.

"Katie! Tell me what's going on! Now!" He sounded demanding, but on the inside he was full of fear that someone had hurt his baby sister. Anger rose when he thought about it. Whoever did would wish he was never born when Kendall got a hold on them.

Katie turned around slowly and the look she shot him was one of pure disgust. It made Kendall flinch uncomfortably.

"No", she said lowly. "That's for you to find out yourselves. Just pray that it won't be too late, because I won't help you pick up the pieces." With that she turned around and left.

When she was out of the room Kendall flopped down onto the couch again, trying to find a sense in this whole conversation.

"What was that all about?" Carlos' confused voice pulled the elder from the train of his thoughts.

"I don't know", Kendall murmured. He rubbed his temples. This whole thing was starting to give him a headache.

"Who was she talking about anyway?" James snorted. "It doesn't make any sense. Maybe she's going nuts or something."

Kendall glared at him.

"Katie doesn't cry unless there's a real reason. There must be more to it."

"Man, where's Logan when you need him?", Carlos groaned. "It bet he could've figured this out."

James nodded. "Probably."

"Yeah and he'd spill out useless facts about how personality works and shit like that." Carlos laughed. "He hasn't done that for a while. I bet he's just waiting for the right opport-"

"Guys!", Kendall interrupted. Carlos stopped his ramble and looked at him expectantly.

"...Seriously, where is Logan?" The boys looked around.

"Down by the pool or something maybe." James shrugged. "He left a while ago."

"Well, maybe he..." Kendall's eyes widened. "Wait a minute..." Realization slowly dawned on his features when he heard Katie's words again in his head.

"_You hurt him, you all did."_

"_He's a wreck, and it's your fault."_

"_He's gone! My brother's gone!"_

_My brother... my brother... MY BROTHER!_

Kendall paled. He jumped up from the couch, ignoring James' and Carlos' calls and ran to his and Logan's shared room.

His side of the room looked the same as always, but Logan's bed which was usually packed with books and stuff... it was empty. Kendall looked frantically around the room, opening all of the drawers, throwing stuff around carelessly. Logan's books – gone. His clothes – gone. His toilet bag – gone. Even his pictures – everything was gone.

Kendall stood in the middle of the room, panting heavily. His knees were close to giving out and he shook his head repeatedly, a constant murmur of "No, no, no, no, no" spilling from his lips. He spun around again and again, desperately hoping for a sign that his Logie, his _brother_ was still there.

When he was finally convinced that Logan was gone he dropped down onto his bed, head in his hands and tears forming in his eyes.

Carlos and James had stood motionless in the door while Kendall trashed through the room like a hurricane, but now that they saw him so broken their eyes widened when they counted two and two together.

"L-Logie?", Carlos whimpered as if his friend could hear him.

A choked sound escaped James' throat. This couldn't be happening.

"I'll call my mum", Kendall mumbled, rushing towards the phone. A single tear ran down his left cheek when he quickly dialled the number he knew by heart.

"_Hello, sweetheart."_

"Mum?" A quiet sob escaped Kendall's throat. "Please come home. Quick."

"_Kendall? What happened?"_ His mother sounded more than concerned by now.

"Logan... He is..." He couldn't bring himself to say it, it would just make it reality.

"_What? Is he hurt? Did Carlos-"_

"No, no, it's... L-Logan..." Kendall swallowed hard around the lump forming in his throat. "He left."

There was silence on the other side of the phone.

"_That's what I feared"_, his mother finally whispered gravely.

"W-What? Why?"

"_I'll be home in ten."_ She hung up before he could ask her any further questions.

Kendall stared at the phone in his hand. Why did Logan leave? It really started to bother him that everyone seemed to know the reason for Logan's departure. Only he, Carlos and James were oblivious. He was so deep in thought that he didn't even notice James and Carlos standing right next to him. His mind spun around all the words Katie had said to him.

_He's a wreck! And it's all your fault!_

What did she mean, he's a wreck? He wasn't! If he was, Kendall would have noticed. They shared rooms after all. Besides he had always treated Logan like his own little brother, just like James and Carlos. Or had he?

_You hurt him! You all did!_

He couldn't remember anything that could've affected Logan that way. Sure, he, Carlos and James teased him sometimes, but it was just a joke! They didn't treat each other different after all.

_That's what I thought._

Kendall wanted to rip his hair out in frustration. How could he be blamed for something that he didn't even know about? And why wouldn't anyone tell him? Logan would've explained it immediately when he asked.

Kendall felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. He crouched under the sadness that finally hit him as he thought about his Logie, the boy he grew up with, his long-time-and-surely-forever best friend. They had been through so much together and now he was gone for good. How should Kendall possibly deal with that? What if he would never see him again? What about their friendship or Big Time Rush? The boys didn't work as a trio, they just couldn't! The time when James wasn't with them was proof enough for that. He was just as important as any of them, without him by their side there was a hole that couldn't be filled unless he was with them again. They fucking _needed _him! How could Logan not know that? Without him they all would probably be arrested or even dead by now, because nobody would've been there to stop the stupid shit they got themselves into on a daily basis. Well, they used to. Now that he thought about it Kendall noticed that he hadn't spent much time with Logan lately. Well, not just lately but for quite a while. In fact he couldn't even remember the last time he had made Logan laugh.

Kendall snapped back to reality when he heard a strangled noise from above him. He looked up to find Carlos in James' arm, sobbing helplessly into the offered shoulder. James glanced down at Kendall through tear-filled eyes, begging him silently to come up with some plan and make things right again. But for the first time in his life he couldn't. And this made him realize just how bad he needed someone to go to for help, meaning how bad he needed Logan. His friend had been there for him 24/7 no matter what and he, Kendall fucking Knight, had made him leave because he didn't do the same for him. God, what kind of friend was he?

The sound of heels clacking on the floor rang loudly through the whole apartment. When the boys looked up they saw a breathless Mrs Knight standing in the door who looked like she had run all the way back from the grocery store. Well, maybe she had indeed. Before any words could be said she hurried, surprisingly, into Katie's room, ignoring the boys sitting on the floor right in front of her.

"Mum, what-"

The door slammed shut and Kendall closed his mouth again, exchanging a confused look with James.

"Why is she-"

He couldn't even finish his sentence before his mother stormed out into the living room again, dragging Katie behind her by her arm. She rushed out of the apartment, not even acknowledging her son and his friends. A few seconds later the door shut loudly.

Kendall looked at James and Carlos briefly before standing up and running after his mum. He could hear his friends' footsteps quickly following him. Katie and his mum stood by the elevators waiting for one to come while Kendall's little sister seemed to be explaining the whole situation.

"...and found him on the floor. God, it was horrible mum! He was screaming and trashing around like he had a nightmare or something. I nearly had a heart attack when I saw that there was blood on the floor, but then I realized it was because he had a wound on his cheek. I don't know where it came from. When he noticed me he tried to hide and acted like everything was normal. He even apologized for disturbing me. Said he didn't mean to." She closed her eyes briefly as if to compose herself. "I've never seen anyone so... broken. It was painful to watch. And I was scared, mum. I thought he would try to kill himself over it. So I told him he shouldn't. But he only said he didn't deserve that I comforted him, that he was a burden and we'd be better off without him." Katie started sobbing quietly. "He... h-he said he was no use for anybody and t-that he wasn't good enough. I don't w-want him to leave, mum! I miss him!" Now she was crying full heartedly. Mrs Knight rubbed her shoulder reassuringly.

"Don't worry, honey. We will find him. I think I know pretty sure where he is." Suddenly she noticed Kendall, James and Carlos standing behind her, frozen on their spot by what their had just heard. She didn't yell at them, she didn't make a scene, she didn't send them back to the apartment. She just looked. And that was worse than anything.

A few moments later Katie turned around too and narrowed her eyes as soon as she saw who it was. "What do _you_ want?"

They didn't answer at first, still paralysed by shock. Then, after a long moment of silence, James was the first to find his speech again.

"L-Logan is... depressive?"

Katie snorted. "You're such an idiot James." She turned towards her mother. "Do you know what they did when they walked into the apartment? When Logan and I stood _right in front of them_ after he cried his eyes out?" She glared murderously at the three boys. "They walked in all cheery and shit, it was sickening to watch. Do you think they would have noticed Logan or the state he was in? NO!" The boys flinched. "They only had eyes for the cookies you bought and went to the kitchen without even _looking_ at us!"

To say Kendall felt like the biggest asshole in the world right now would be an understatement.

"I wanted to yell at them, but Logan stopped me. The look in his eyes at that moment, god. It nearly made me cry. I don't even want to know what those jerks did to him before all of this."

A sob escaped Carlos' lips, which earned him a glare from Katie.

"Oh yes, that's right. It is all your fault. Because you weren't there. I tried to help him, I really did, but every time I wanted to talk to him he just said that it was nothing or I shouldn't worry about it. I only let it go because I thought his so called _best friends_ would take care of him. Only you didn't! Not one single time! Do you know how often I heard him cry himself to sleep? Or screaming because he had nightmares? Didn't you hear it Kendall?" Said boy felt tears rolling down his cheeks. No, he hadn't heard him indeed. How could he not have heard his best friend crying? What kind of horrible things also happened without him noticing? Katie continued without giving her brother time to recover. She knew she was being cruel, but everything she said was the truth and that was just what these guys needed to hear right now.

"When he packed his stuff he said goodbye to me and wanted to leave."

James' heart twanged at that. He didn't want to say goodbye to his friends? Well, after what he heard he wasn't sure if they could even call themselves his friends anymore. Jesus, how bad had they treated him?

"And what did I do? I told him to say goodbye to those assholes." She pointed a sharp finger at them. "They didn't deserve it, but I gave them a chance to fix all of this. I thought that they would at least realize when their _brother_ left them! I fucking _hoped!_" Even though Katie was cussing really badly her mother didn't stop her from rambling. She just continued staring at Kendall with such disappointment it was nearly too much to bear for him.

"But they didn't. They let him leave." Katie hid her head in her hands so no one could see her tears finally flowing. "And you know what?", she whispered straight at the guys now. "He told me that he didn't think Kendall, Carlos and James would even notice if he was gone. It must hurt him to see how right he was."

This last statement was too much. Kendall fell to his knees and started sobbing helplessly. Despite their own tears Carlos and James were shocked to see their leader shivering on the floor, crying his eyes out. The last last time they saw him break down like that was when his dad died. And that was over eleven years ago!

Mrs Knight seemed to notice it too for she pulled her son into her arms and stroked his hair softly. He clung to her like she was his lifeline and sobbed loudly into her shoulder.

"You know Kendall", she said quietly after a few minutes. "Katie is right. You messed up this time. And you can't fix it just like that."

"G-God, I-I'm so s-sorry", he choked out between his sobs. "I-I don't k-k-know h-how this c-could h-ha-happen."

"I'm not the one you need to tell this, Kendall", she sighed and stood up, pulling him with her. He wiped his face messily.

"I-I know." He looked at his mother through tear filled eyes. "D-Do you t-think he w-w-will f-forgive me? F-For letting h-him d-d-down like t-that?"

She wiped his cheek with her thumb and kissed his forehead.

"No."

He hung his head.

"But he might if you try to make things right again", she continued. "Everyone deserves a second chance."

Kendall looked up in surprise to see her soft smile and knew that she really meant what she said. He hugged her gratefully.

"Thanks, mum", he whispered. She pulled away and eyed them all with a serious look.

"We should go now." She pointed towards the open elevator doors. "We have to find Logan before it's too late."

**To Be Continued...**


	4. Would you forgive them?

**God, you guys are just AWESOME! Thank you sososososo much for your reviews :) I always try to update soon, but the next chapter might take a little longer to write, so... sorry if you have to wait a little. I hope you enjoy this chapter, too. The end was kind of frustrating to write, because I just couldn't get the right atmosphere I wanted. I still don't really feel it, but I tried, so please don't kill me if it's horrible. I might rewrite it later, but the plot will stay the same. And now after all is said on with the story!**

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><p><strong>When Worlds Crumble<strong>

**Ch. 4 – Would you forgive them?**

Logan sat alone on one of the benches at the airport and waited for his flight, thinking through everything that had happened in the last two hours. This morning he woke up like it was any other day and now his whole world lay in pieces. His life wasn't any more complicated that it had been before, but everything had another angle. Everything was different. But all in all the development of his future was a huge relief, like a weight lifted off his chest. It made him sad to leave Katie, Mrs Knight and his... friends behind, but most of all he was just grateful that he had finally found the courage to take this step.

He looked down on his clasped hands, which held his one-way ticket to Minnesota. Home. It would be great to see his mother and old friends again, the last time he visited them was on Christmas Eve and that was over three months ago. Maybe he should call them so they knew he was heading home. He pulled out his phone and a pop up greeted him.

_You received 4 new messages._

Logan was surprised. _Who would write me at this time of day?_ He opened them one by one curiously. The first three were from Katie.

_**From: Katie To: Logan  
><strong>_**Logie? Where are you now? We need to talk about all of this. We're gonna find a way! Please!**

_**From: Katie To: Logan  
><strong>_**Why don't you answer me? Come on, it doesn't have to end this way.**

_**From: Katie To: Logan  
><strong>_**LOGAN MITCHELL! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE! NOW!**

The last one almost made him want to laugh. It was such a Katie thing to say. But as sad as it was, he couldn't respond her. She would just turn his mind again and he didn't want to be convinced to stay. He quickly opened the last one.

_**From: Mrs Knight To: Logan  
><strong>_**I know that you're at the airport. We need to talk.**

Logan's heart sank. How this woman always read him like a book would be an everlasting riddle to him. Unbelievable. He was tempted to run away to a hotel over night and avoid any contact with her, but his flight would go in less than half an hour and he wouldn't turn back now that he was so close.

It was really too bad that he couldn't let her persuade him this time like she did in countless situations before. She always knew what to say, no matter what you did or felt, and that was what made it so much harder for him to listen to her. She made everything sound so easy. Logan just hoped that he would never have to see her again. Not because he didn't want to but because he didn't know if he could handle seeing the woman he called his mother so desperate to keep him home in his emotional state. And a breakdown at an airport wasn't something he called an attainable experience in his life.

Logan rested his back against the bench, closing his eyes in an attempt to shut out the bright light. His lack of sleep caught up with him again. He kind of hoped that now that his problem was solved (well, sort of) he could get a bit of sleep again. Logan looked down at his phone once more, but it stared back at him blankly. He didn't want to admit it, but he was kind of disappointed that his friends hadn't texted him. Logan shook his head. Stupid thought. Maybe they were even happy that they didn't have to bother with him anymore. If, and only if, they even noticed he was gone by now. Somehow he couldn't quite believe it.

He sent a quick text to his mother saying that he'd be home this evening. Not bothering to wait for a reply he turned his phone off (it wasn't allowed to be on in the plane anyway) and stuffed it into his duffel bag. He never heard it going off six times before his flight was called.

As he waited in line for the boarding his thoughts travelled to his future. Where would he go from here? What did he want? Becoming a doctor of course now that he had the chance to fulfil his dream. Or he could go and take a break from all of this first. Clear his head in the ever charming Minnesota air. He chuckled quietly to himself. Whatever he would do, it would definitely be the start of a new life.

_~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~_

Kendall, James and Carlos ran like they had never run before in their whole lives. Logan couldn't have come too far by now, so there was a good chance that they would catch him before he got on a plane. When Momma Knight told them where she assumed that Logan was they immediately agreed. It seemed like a Logan thing to seek comfort at home in the state he was in.

They skidded around a corner to the gate where a plane to Minnesota took off right now and... there he stood. It looked like Logan was about to check in. The boys ran impossibly faster and began shouting their friend's name.

"_Wait!_ Logan! LOGAN!"

Just as said boy was about to show his ticket to the stewardess he heard movement and familiar voices behind him. Logan turned around and saw Kendall, Carlos and James trashing through the crowd towards him like mad men.

_Oh no, no no NO! For the love of God, what are they doing here?_ He nearly cried in his head. _I was so close to doing it._

Logan all but shoved his ticket into the stewardess' hand and tried to escape through the gate, but Carlos was too fast. He grabbed his friend's arm just in time and pulled him back.

"Logie, I..." The second he got a good look at his friend's face, he let go of him like he was burned and gasped loudly. Kendall sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth while James covered his mouth to stop himself from crying out.

Their friend looked kind of... dead. His eyes didn't glint and it seemed like he hadn't smiled in ages. He was a lot paler than usual and had deep purple rings under his eyes. A nasty gash that looked like it had been bleeding pretty bad grazed his cheek and his eyes were red and puffy like he'd been crying a hell of a lot. If you had listened close enough you could've heard three hearts breaking at this sight.

No words were spoken, but the tension between the four friends was palpable. Kendall, Carlos and James were shocked beyond belief. The same thought ran through all of their minds at the same time.

_This... cannot be real._

Cries from Katie and Mrs Knight pulled them all from their respective train of thoughts.

"Logan? Where are y-... _Logan!_"

Logan was stunned. He hadn't thought that anybody would bother actually following him this fast. Well, now that he thought about it he should have known it. Momma K never liked to put things off for too long. But what he didn't understand was the appearance of Kendall, Carlos and James. Why were they here? Surprisingly it didn't matter to him right now. All he could think about was the way they looked at him. Logan finally had their full attention that he had craved for the past few months and he was only seconds away from weeping just thinking about it. He closed his eyes and savoured the moment that his friends finally noticed him again. Now, when it was all too late. Because there was no way in hell that he'd go back to what he had. Another treatment like this would surely break him completely. He had to leave. Now.

Katie and Mrs Knight finally reached them, too.

"Honey, you don't need to do this!" Mrs Knight sounded so calm and wise that he almost believed her. Almost.

"Yes, I do." He opened his eyes, but looked only at Katie and his as-good-as adoptive mum. He'd surely just crawl back begging for forgiveness when he glanced into his friends' eyes. He was weak like that. "This whole thing isn't about you and I don't want you to hurt, but... this is something I have to do." He sounded so calm that he almost fooled himself too, but on the inside he wanted to scream.

"Sir?", the stewardess interrupted quietly. "You have to get on board now if you want to catch your flight."

Logan nodded at her and turned his back on his friends with a resolute gesture.

"I'm sorry", he whispered just loud enough so they would hear him. With one last deep breath he took the three steps separating him from the gate and passed.

Logan didn't stop or even slow down when he heard his friends calling out for him. The only thing showing the pain he was feeling at that moment was his right fist that clenched his duffel bag so tightly he would surely have bruised palms later.

_~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~_

Kendall Knight was clearly going berserk. Even Carlos could tell that what his friend was doing right now couldn't be healthy. Not that he minded though, he was acting just the same after all. And who could blame him after today's events, really?

Seeing Logan disappear around the corner of the gate did it for him. Kendall completely snapped. He lunged forward at the stewardess, trying to make a run for his friend while screaming his name so loudly that it was a wonder his lungs didn't give out.

The others watched the scene silently for a few moments, unsure of what to do. Carlos was the first to move and help his friend. He joined in on Kendall's yelling and tried desperately to sneak behind the stewardess who called for security and held the trashing Kendall on arm's length away from her (which was pretty impressive for her height and build). James jumped the first security guard that made his way over to them from behind to keep him away from Kendall who looked absolutely ready to kill somebody right now to get faster to Logan. Katie had started shouting too, but Mrs Knight had a firm grip on her to stop her from joining in on the brawl while she, herself, yelled for the boys to cut it out. They didn't hear her over all the chaos they were inciting, but even if they did they would've chosen to just ignore it.

Even though all of them were determined not to leave until they were a foursome again the whole trying to get Logan thing was to no avail. It didn't take longer that 20 seconds until Carlos felt muscular arms grabbing him from behind.

"Stop it, kid," a deep voice said right next to his ear. "I don't want to hurt you. But I will if you don't do as I say."

Carlos may not be that bright, but he was clever enough to know when he didn't stand a chance. So he went limp in the man's arms immediately.

"Good boy", the security guard said unaffectedly before dragging him off to his office along with James and Kendall who was still screaming and trashing around in the arms of another guard. Katie and Mrs Knight followed them on their heel.

"_No!_", he heard Kendall shout so loudly that Carlos couldn't help but flinch while the guard kept his poker-face without even blinking. "You don't get it! We NEED to go in there! It's our friend, he-"

"Save it", his guard rudely interrupted.

"I WILL NOT SAVE IT!" Kendall screamed at the top of his lungs, drawing even more attention to them that they already had. Some bystanders pointed their fingers at them and whispered to one another. Those were probably the ones that recognized them as the boys from Big Time Rush.

"_Kendall Donald Knight!_" Now it was Momma Knight who spoke up. "Quiet! Now!"

This silenced her son immediately.

James hung his shoulders in a defeated manner while he walked next to his security guard without putting up a fight. He was more than devastated. Not only had they failed as Logan's friends, but at an attempt to make it up to him, too. Giving up seemed the only reasonable option right now.

He looked up and his eyes fell on Kendall who had picked up his lashing about again, this time without the yelling as to not upset his mother any further. Seeing his friend putting so much effort in breaking free made James' spirits come to live again. Who was he to just give up like that? It wasn't too late yet! It couldn't be! All they needed right now was a plan.

When he tried to get the others' attention he soon noticed that Kendall was too occupied with struggling to sense his attempt to make eye contact and Carlos seemed to be in a trance. So he had to figure this one out on his own. Let's see... James was the fastest of the group besides Logan. Maybe if he could kick the security guard where it hurt and run before the others noticed that-

His thoughts were cut off abruptly when the sound of a starting engine rang through the airport. He turned around in horror to see the plane with the imprint 'Minnesota airlines' roll onto the runway.

"_NO!_" Kendall's pain-filled voice cut through the whole hall, predominating even the noise of the plane and everybody couldn't help but feel their hearts twang at its tone. He sounded worse than a wounded animal and the desperate look in his eyes only emphasized this impression. It was so quiet in the room that you could've heard a needle drop on the floor as everybody seemed to be watching the three boys in the security guards' arms, who didn't even notice the people around them anymore, slowly fall apart right in front of their eyes. Time seemed to slow down when the plane picked up speed and finally flew out of their sight. Gone.

James felt like a metal fist wrapped itself around his chest and squeezed so tightly that he couldn't breathe. All the voices trying to get his attention and telling him everything's gonna be alright in the real world were drowned out in the darkness that consumed his whole being and left him alone with nothing.

_This can't be it_, he thought. _I'm dreaming. This is not real._

From the corner of his eye he saw Kendall turning lifeless in an instant. The leader would surely have fallen to his knees if it weren't for the security guard holding him up on his feet. Carlos cried like a battered puppy while Katie hid her face in her mother's chest.

Seeing his friends so weak made James snap out of his trance. For one moment there was silence inside his heart, the small amount of calmness everyone gets before the storm comes and crashes down your whole world. Too bad that moments never last long. Only seconds later reality hit James so hard that his legs threatened to give out as excruciating pain filled his chest and he had to fight the urge to crouch under its pressure.

Logan was gone. All his life he had sworn to protect his little brother and now he, he of all people, had made him leave probably forever. The moment when this horrible thought hit him with full force was the moment that James Diamond lost every ounce of self-control he had and his tears started to flow.

He didn't care that his hair looked like a mess or that people who recognized them started to take photos. He couldn't care less that he sobbed helplessly in the open and absolutely everyone could see him doing that right now. All he could think of was that they might never see Logan, who was more like family to him than his actual relatives, ever again.

He might never get the chance to tell him how sorry he was.

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><p><strong>To Be Continued...<strong>


	5. Is this really home?

**Hey ho! :) Thanks again for reading my story and all your nice reviews. You're the BEST!  
>So, just as a sidenote: You'll stumble across a song in this chapter, "Nothing Left" by Oraine. Please check him out on Youtube, he's a really cool guy and his music is great. And no, he didn't ask me to advertise his music in this story or whatever, I just thought "Nothing Left" really fit the situation in which I used it. And now... Enjoy! :)<strong>

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><p><strong>When Worlds Crumble<strong>

**Is this really home?**

Logan watched LA slowly disappear under a ceiling of clouds. He couldn't quite believe yet that he really was on his way back to Minnesota, his old home, leaving everything behind. Now that he actually was right there on the plane it seemed too drastic, too rushed to be true. But a voice in the back of his mind reassured him that this was really happening and even congratulated him for finally doing it. He didn't know why, but for some reason this voice had a bitter tone to it.

Logan rested his back against his seat, trying to find a more comfortable position to sit in. A heavy sigh escaped him as thoughts of today started invading his mind once more.

Getting on the plane had been harder than he imagined. He had been so sure that leaving was the only possibility he had left, but at the same time it felt so wrong. Even now he couldn't completely shake the feeling that all of this was nothing but a huge mistake. With every mile that separated him from his friends he felt like he left piece after piece of his shattered heart behind until there was only dull numbness left in his chest.

Logan tried not to think about Kendall, James or Carlos, he really did, but he just couldn't stop himself. All of this was too confusing at the moment to let it go like that. It was the way his brain worked. He always needed to sort all of the information and thoughts he got before he could even consider doing something else. And now was no exception. The logical part of his mind already drilled him with questions, tying to comprehend the scene that took place not so long ago at the airport. Why had his friends come to see him? Did Mrs Knight make them go or did they do it on their own accord? What had Carlos wanted to tell him? Were they already back in the apartment? Who would do the dishes now that he wasn't there anymore? And most importantly: What did they think of him for leaving them?

Somehow Logan couldn't shake the feeling that he had just destroyed the deepest friendship he ever had. Did they hate him for letting them down? Maybe. Would they ever understand why exactly he had to go? Maybe. Were they glad he was gone and didn't even want to think about him ever again? Maybe. Maybe maybe maybe.

Logan groaned in frustration. He hated such questions. There were too many possibilities, too much uncertainty. He liked questions you could answer with yes or no. That was part of the reason why he loved science and mathematics so much. These were dimensions of numbers and formulas without emotions or confusions, where nothing distracted you from what was important. You had a situation, a problem, a certain way to solve it and a definite conclusion. It was comforting to know for sure what would happen under what condition.

Life wasn't like that at all. It was abstract. Confusing. Arbitrary. Life was an everlasting riddle men had yet to solve and Logan doubted it would ever be understood by anyone, at least not in the human era. And normally he had absolutely no problem with that even though the idea of a riddle that could never be solved made him slightly frustrated. But right now he would give everything he had (though that wasn't much) to know where his future led him.

Logan gave up on trying to understand his situation for now and searched his left pocket for his iPod. Hopefully some music would distract him from the previous events. Music had always been his safe haven. It offered him the comfort and security that he had lacked in the last few months. As soon as his headphones were in his ears he pressed play on a random song and leaned back in his seat. He had decided to get some sleep while his flight lasted. The piano melody flooded so soothingly into his ears that Logan felt his eyes drift slowly shut. What was this song called again? He knew it, but he couldn't quite put his finger on the title. His eyes shot open again when he immediately recognized it the second Oraine started singing.

_You said you would be there for me  
><em>_and if anything happened  
><em>_you would wipe my tears away.  
><em>_You would be there till the end._

Logan wanted to turn it off, but he just sat frozen on his spot while he listened to the lyrics.

_Holding my back, tanking care of me.  
><em>_Trying to put a smile upon my face._

A lump formed in Logan's throat and grew bigger with each second. He had told them that he loved them countless times. That they were his best friends. When they were younger they had all made a promise to stay together forever and now... he broke it. Just like that. Who would be there to be the brain of the group? To be the voice of reason? To take care of them when they were sick? He couldn't give this job, that had been his since forever, to somebody else just because he couldn't handle his own life. They _needed_ him and he let them down. God, how selfish was he? The song continued softly playing in his ears, every line cutting deep into his heart and filling him with unbearable guilt.

_This is what you did, this is what you did.  
><em>_You put my heart on fire.  
><em>_Fire, fire, fire that burned me down till nothing left.  
><em>_Nothing left to say, nothing left to do.  
><em>_And I can't find my way back to you._

What if his friends had to suffer in any way because he left them? What if they missed him? They didn't deserve to be caused any pain. Not by him. After all it wasn't their fault that he was so unlovable, quite the contrary. Logan was lucky that he had them in his life for so long. When he looked back at it it was a miracle that they had even stuck to him all this time. And what did Logan do? He threw it all away instead of appreciating their friendship like he should! And to think he called himself the smart one...

_I think it's time for me to pack my bag and leave.  
><em>_Close the door.  
><em>_I ain't not coming back no more.  
><em>_I gotta go, I gotta leave.  
><em>_I gotta say goodbye, cause there ain't no you and me.  
><em>_Baby bye, bye, bye, bye._

Would they have left if any of them had been in his place? No. Surely not. They would've just stayed composed and bore it until everything was back to normal again. Or they would've taken medicine to their own hands and fixed it. Or spoken up. Each of his friends was strong enough to handle problems like this. He was not.

When the last note of the song faded away in Logan's ears he felt like he resurfaced from deep down under the sea and could finally breathe again. He ripped the headphones out of his ears abruptly and threw his iPod into his bag, suddenly sick of music.

What if something happened to his friends because he wasn't there? Logan tipped his head back and stared at the ceiling in frustration.

_Stupid._ He thought angrily to himself. _You have to stop thinking like that. Kendall, Carlos and James treated you badly and you just took the consequences._

_You're being dramatic and you know it, _another part of his mind piped up. _This is ridiculous. You can't be without your friends._

_Yes you can. They probably don't even miss you. Why do you think they didn't say a word at the airport, huh? They could've at least apologized after everything they've done to you._

_They screamed for you to come back!_

_They never heard you screaming for them when you were alone!_

_They will be devastated!_

_No they won't. And even if the nearly non-existent possibility of this actually being true should occur... So what? Who cares? They deserve it. You made the right decision when you left them._

_No! You need to go back and be there for them._

_Ha! Just the same way they were there for you, huh?_

_You owe them, they-_

"Just stop it!", Logan hissed out loud, grabbing at his hair in exasperation. This inner conflict didn't help him at all. The guy in the seat next to him turned his head and shot him a funny look upon hearing his small outburst. Logan just shook his head slightly in response, telling him '_I'm sorry_' and '_it's nothing_' at the same time. The guy shrugged and turned his head in the other direction. Soon Logan could hear quiet snoring signalling that his fellow over there had fallen asleep. Lucky bastard.

Logan lay back in his seat, just staring into space because by now he had accepted that it was pointless to try and get some sleep. He knew he wouldn't. And that gave him just enough time to think everything through thoroughly. Again. He groaned quietly and closed his eyes for what felt like the millionth time today. The whole conversation that just took place inside his head didn't give him any kind of conclusion. By the way, should he worry about a schizophrenic disorder? Probably not. At least he hoped so.

The first voice was right though. He wouldn't change his mind anymore now. He was done. It was totally reasonable for him to do what he did. He had made the right decision.

The rest of the flight was quiet, on the outside as well as on the inside. Most of the other passengers were sleeping by now and those who were awake spoke in hushed voices. Logan just lay there, so tired and worn out from the day that he couldn't understand why the hell he didn't just pass out into sleep already.

_~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~_

The cold air hit Logan with full force as soon as he got out of the plane. Maybe wearing just a thin shirt on the flight wasn't the best idea he ever had, but he had other things than the weather in Minnesota on his mind back then. Logan was still trembling when he stood at the baggage claim and waited for his duffel bag. He sighed while rubbing his arms. It was gonna take some time until his body accustomed to the Minnesota air again. The hot LA sun was one of the things he would miss the most now that he was back here. He looked around. The familiar airport was something he had never expected to see again when he left to become famous. It felt kind of strange to stand here, even more without his friends by his side. He had thought that he'd feel like he was at home again, but now... it seemed to be quite the contrary.

After he got all his belongings together Logan stepped out into the open again, this time wearing a black sweater he found deep down in his bag. He didn't want to get sick after all. The next hour was a bit of a blur to him. He remembered grabbing something to eat along the way while calling for a taxi. Before he knew it he stood in the part of town he had called his home ever since he could remember.

Logan walked slowly along the pavement, but hesitated when he saw the entry to his street in the distance. The place where he'd grown up.

How would his mother react to seeing him again? Logan wondered if she waited for him by now. Suddenly he remembered the text he sent her at the airport in LA. Had she answered him? He pulled his phone out of his duffel bag and checked for any messages while starting to walk again.

Nothing.

But he had six unanswered calls. Logan's heart dropped when he read the caller IDs. The first one was from Kendall. Second was James. Carlos. Kendall again. Mrs Knight. And... his face lit up when the name 'Mum' appeared on his screen. So she knew he was here. Perfect.

Logan decided to call her and say that he would be home in a few minutes. He dialled in her number and waited for her to pick up. Which she did after the first ring.

"_Logan?" _She sounded oddly distressed and relieved at the same time. Logan couldn't help but feel like something was wrong.

"Yeah, hi mum." He turned left and already saw his house just a few hundred metres away. It was one of the first in this street.

"_Where are you?"_ Now her voice became urgent. This strange behaviour confused Logan to no end.

"I'll be home in a sec, I can see our house. Can't wait to be home again." He heard her take in a sharp breath and suddenly felt a bit scared for her. "Mom, what's wrong?"

There was a moment of silence before she started talking really fast again. "Logan, listen. You need to get away from here now."

He stood right in front of his old house, about to ring the doorbell, but stopped when he heard her say that.

"What? Why?"

"Please, just... go! I'll explain it later." She sounded even more desperate than before.

Logan felt annoyance and even more worry rise inside of him. He had enough of this theatre.

"Mom. Tell me what's going on. Now!"

He heard her sigh sadly before she spoke again. It were only four little words she said, but they were enough to make Logan's blood turn to ice within seconds.

_No!_ His mind screamed at him._ She's lying. It can't be... he can't..._

Logan felt dizzy and the world seemed to start spinning faster and faster around him as her words sunk in and swirled through his mind like a swarm of wasps pricking his thoughts repeatedly with painful stabs. There seemed no other thing left in his brain than the utter shock. Only four little words.

"_He is here again."_

Logan paled white as a sheet and had to fight against the bile rising up in his throat when the urge to flee finally got the better of him. He stumbled backwards against the wooden gate that led out of the garden and onto the street. He needed to get out of here, before...

_Slam._

Logan had barely made it out on the pavement again before the door to his home flew open and banged against the wall with a loud thud. In the doorway stood the man that Logan had only hoped to never see again. The man who had made his life a living hell full of punishment, tears and heartbreak.

"Hello Logan." His voice was sharp as a knife, just like Logan remembered it. It seemed to rip through his heart and soul, reopening wounds that had been made so many years ago. Some may have thought they were already forgotten, but they would never be as long as Logan lived. Because they were a part of him. He was marked forever and unknown to everyone else the man right in front of him had made sure that Logan would never forget that.

Said boy stood still now and turned slowly around towards his tormentor, knowing from past experiences that running from this man only ended in failure. He looked up into those eyes that pierced him with a hateful, loathing gaze. Logan knew these eyes better than anybody else's. Because they were his own.

"Hello, father."

**To Be Continued...**

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><p><strong>...Uhm... I guess you weren't expecting that. Well, I have to say that I wasn't either. All of this extra drama just kinda happened while I wrote :) So yeah... I realized that I always seem to end my chapters with cliffhangers, but I can't help it, it's too much fun ;)<br>****I hope you liked this chapter. I don't know yet where exactly I'm gonna take Logan's way from here, so... it might take a little longer to write. Please don't kill me O.O  
><strong>**See ya'll (hopefully) soon :D**


	6. Decisions, decisions

**Okay, first of all I know this took me forever to write and I am unbelievably sorry, but I had a lot of stress lately and it's just not stopping, I can't help it. Just adding to it is that school starts again next week. So please don't kill me if I don't have much time to write in the next few days. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Lotsa love and hugs - Ani**

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><p><strong>When Worlds Crumble<strong>

**Ch. 6 – Decisions, decisions**

Kendall, James and Carlos sat huddled together in the living room while sipping on their hot chocolate every now and then. No words were spoken, but it was clear as day that they all thought about the same thing.

_Logan._

They knew that somebody had to bring him up eventually, but none of them were willing to start a conversation right now. Mostly because they saw no point in it. Logan was gone and he had showed them clearly that he wouldn't come back, no matter what.

Carlos pulled his feet tightly to his chest and hugged himself, something he always did when he was upset. Guilt welled up in his chest when he thought back to the way his best friend had looked at him. Such disappointment. So much_ pain_. Carlos hid his head between his knees. Somehow he could not believe that he'd never see Logan again. But each time he risked a glance at the empty spot on the couch where his friend always used to sit his heart sank further. It made it all too real to be denied.

Carlos lay his head on James' shoulder and the taller immediately put an arm around him to offer some comfort even though he wasn't in any better shape himself. Beside all the shame and self-blame he felt when he thought of Logan there was worry nagging at him, too. His little brother was alone out there on his way to Minnesota with no one to look out for him. What if he got attacked by some creepy fan? Or the plane crashed? Or he got hit by a bus? There were so many things that could've happened by now and if anything did because James wasn't there to protect him, he swore to god he'd jump off a building.

Kendall took it the worst. He hadn't said a word ever since they were at the security's office (they were lucky that the guards had let their little scene at the airport slide) and just stared into space like he was missing a part of himself. Well, actually he was. Without Logan nothing felt right anymore. How could he have not noticed this feeling before all of this happened? How on earth could he have been so blind? Sure, James and Carlos were involved too, but Kendall still felt like Logan's pain was all his fault. There was this special bond between him and Logan that James on the other hand shared with Carlos. Something that went past friend or even brother. It was like the connection of two souls. They knew whenever something was wrong with the other even if others didn't notice anything. That was why Kendall should have known that he hurt Logan. He could've stopped all of this before it even started if he had just looked close enough. But he hadn't and this was something he could never forgive himself.

Katie had locked herself in her room the second they arrived here and not even Mrs Knight had been able to coax her out of there. She just lay curled up on her bed and hugged her pillow close to her aching chest. It felt like somebody ripped a piece out of her heart, the place that belonged to Logan alone. She ignored the knocks on her door and the voices asking her to come out because Katie didn't want them to see her crying her eyes out like the little kid she was. Hours and hours passed until the tears on her cheeks slowly began to dry because she was too exhausted to weep anymore. So she just lay on her bed and breathed slowly in and out through her nose. Any other thing would be pointless. Katie felt like not even a few minutes had passed since they came back to their apartment, but it must be evening by now because her mother knocked and asked if she wanted to join the others for dinner. Katie appreciated her mum trying to keep people sane in here, but she still didn't open her door. All she wanted was to be alone right now. No, scratch that. All she wanted was Logan.

Suddenly she stood up and stomped over to her door. Why was she sitting here and moping around? That wouldn't bring Logan back after all. What they needed was a plan. And if her brother hadn't done something about it by now, she would. When she stepped into the living room she saw the three boys sitting at the table and eating spaghetti like they had no care in the world. Carlos even was... was he fucking _smiling_? Boiling anger shot through her system and she stormed over to them.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

James, Kendall and Carlos looked up in surprise.

"Katie! You're with us again!", Carlos exclaimed happily.

She walked over to the latino, raised her hand and slapped him hard across his right cheek. The boy was too surprised to even make a sound of pain. He just stared unbelieving at the girl in front of him.

"How can you just move on like that?", she yelled. "Logan's gone and you're sitting here stuffing your stupid ass faces instead of trying to get him back?"

"Katie...", Kendall said, holding his hands up in defence.

"Oh shut it!", she cut him off. "We need to do something about it! I don't understand how you can even _think_ about food right now!"

"Katie, we..." Again Kendall was interrupted.

"I DON'T CARE!", she screamed now.

"KATIE!" This was Mrs Knight who had come into the kitchen upon hearing the yelling. She looked serious but also strangely determined. "There's no need to make such a scene."

"Oh. Is there not?", she snapped, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "I think you..." Her gaze fell on something in her mother's hands and she choked down the comment she had on her lips. Could it be? Katie stepped closer and took the paper from Mrs Knight to get a better look at it. Her eyes widened as soon as she read the imprint.

When she felt the comforting weight of Kendall's hand on her shoulder Katie looked up into her brother's smiling face.

He gently took the five tickets to Minnesota from her hands.

"Looks like for once we were one step ahead of you, baby sister."

_~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~_

If there ever was a situation that could be described as awkward, it was this. The three Mitchells sat around the dining table in silence, eating lunch together for the first time in years. The only sounds in the room were the scraping noises of forks on dishes. Logan's appetite had left him the second he set a foot into this house he used to call his home. Confusion and fear battled inside his mind and he couldn't shake the feeling that this weird family moment was just another trick to fuck with his mind. So he just scooped his food around on his plate while he cast glances at his father every now and then who seemed to care less about Logan's presence. He wanted to say something, but he wasn't sure where to start. Eventually he couldn't take the tension anymore and cleared his throat. The seemingly loud noise got him the attention of both of his parents who looked at him expectantly.

"So", he started lamely. "You two are... kind of... back together now?"

Mrs Mitchell lowered her eyes while her cheeks burned up in slight shame. Logan's father just nodded curtly and grabbed her hand possessively in his. Logan noticed that she didn't pull it away.

He sighed heavily.

"May I ask why?" He looked directly at his mother, expecting her to give him a good reason because at the time being he didn't understand it at all.

Her gaze seemed to be glued on her potatoes and she remained silent so Mr Mitchell spoke up after a few seconds.

"Well, you know, _son_." The way he said it made it sound like a curse word. "It's actually a very interesting story. Even while I was in jail because _someone_" he cast Logan an angry look "couldn't keep their mouth shut, I never stopped loving Joanna. So when I got released I searched her all over the country. I told her how I felt, she took me back and, well, here we are." Mr Mitchell looked at his son somewhat challenging.

Logan narrowed his eyes. Something wasn't right here.

"Really? Because I remember my mother telling me that you destroyed her love for you the first time you beat me up over a stupid mistake."

His father stood up to his full height and towered over him with a look of furious hate in his eyes.

"Are you calling me a liar?"

Logan rose from his seat too, but was still about one foot smaller than his father. Damn fate for giving him his mother's short stature.

"No", his voice was full of disgust. "I'm calling you a cowardly bastard who needs violence to compensate his shitty childhood but isn't strong enough to put up a fight with people of his own build and has to take out his frustration on his defenceless wife instead."

He didn't know where his attitude came from but he regretted his words the second they left his mouth. The first punch came so fast that he didn't even see it coming. He doubled over in pain and clutched his aching stomach. Mr Mitchell quickly made his way around the table and shoved Logan's chair aside.

"HOW DARE YOU?", he screamed while he kicked his son's ribs and sides. Logan couldn't help but feel a little surprised that he didn't hear the cracking of his bones like he did when he was younger. That could only mean that his father held back for some reason. But why?

Before he could find an answer to the question the beating had stopped. He looked up from his spot on the floor to see his father staring down on him with disgust.

"Get out of my house." His voice was low and threatening, he meant business. And even after all this years Logan knew better than to disobey his father.

He stood up slowly, ignoring the pain the best he could and was about to leave when his gaze fell on his mother.

"What about you mom?", Logan asked, a pleading undertone in his voice. Surely she would not betray him, would she? "Don't you have a say in this?"

She fiddled with her vest and looked at the floor. A few moments of expectancy passed before she lifted her head and her eyes bore into Logan's with a broken expression.

"Do what you father said, son."

Logan felt his heart being ripped in two. His own mother, who had told him she would always be there for him, sided with the man who had beaten him up not even a minute ago. She didn't want him with her and his father. His whole family life didn't exist anymore and he could never come back here to this house he used to call his safe haven. Logan nodded briefly at his mother and grabbed his duffel bag.

"I hope you two are happy together."

And with that he fled the house, slammed the door shut and ran. Away from his old life. Away from his mother. Away from the only home he had left in this world. The home that was gone now. He ran and ran and ran until his chest ached so much he couldn't go one more step without collapsing. He slumped down on the pavement, lay his head in his hands and finally started sobbing while his lungs fought for air. He cried and cried for hours out in the open while people passed him by. Most of them stopped and asked him if he was alright or if they should call somebody for help. Instead of answering he just ignored them or screamed at them to go away. Eventually they all did. Logan knew that they just meant to be nice, but they didn't understand him. Nobody could ever understand him. Logan stayed on the pavement even after his tears stopped, wishing the ground would swallow him up and suffocate him so he could just lay here forever. There was no point in standing up. He had nowhere to go to after all.

Logan was alone in this world.

At some point he must have fallen asleep on the hard ground because the next time he opened his eyes it was already late in the evening. People always said that every situation in life looked better once you slept over it. Now Logan could confirm that no, it didn't.

He got up from the pavement and stretched his aching muscles, flinching when he felt his sore stomach protesting against the movement. His eyes darted around, trying to find a familiar building in his surroundings only to see none. Where was he?

Logan walked along the street until he got to a cross-way that he recognized. He turned right, still not sure where he should go, and tried to take his mind off the depressing thoughts that threatened to invade his mind by counting his steps.

55...56...57...

His eyes stayed cast down on his feet as he walked along the path, not paying attention to anything around him.

126...127...128...

The simple counting action calmed the raging storm in his mind until he thought of nothing any more. All that mattered was the sound of his breathing and the repetitive movement of his feet. Right. Left. Right. Left.

342...343...344.

He stopped when suddenly his right foot hit a border. Logan raised his head and saw where his feet had led him to. His eyes widened in surprise. This would've been the last place he'd have gone to now. Or ever for that matter. He was about to turn back around and continue his pointless walking when something inside him refrained him from doing so. He looked up at the building once more and weighed his options. On the one hand he had sworn to never come back here in all his life after his father started beating him and his life took a turn for the worse. But on the other hand... where else should he go to? What did he have to lose anymore, really? After a few minutes of simply staring he decided to give it a try.

Logan climbed the stairs that led up to the wooden door, took a deep breath and knocked quietly. When nobody answered he pushed the handle to unsurprisingly find the door unlocked and stepped inside tentatively. It might help him to have somebody he could tell everything even if he hadn't talked to them in years.

And who knew, maybe he might even find advise in here.

**To Be Continued...**

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><p><strong>Sooo... any ideas where Logan went? Let's see if you figure it out ;)<br>****I'd love to know what you think about this chapter, because I don't really like it... I hope you enjoyed it though. Review please, it makes me happy! :D - Greetz from Germany!**


	7. Keep on hoping

**Okay, so here is the next chapter. It's been a long time but I hope you guys think it was worth the waiting. If it's not please tell me so I can make the next chapter better or even work this one over. Enjoy! :)**

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><p><strong>When Worlds Crumble<strong>

**Ch. 7 – Keep on hoping**

James rested his head against one of the comfortable seats of the plane he was sitting in, his tiredness starting to show slowly. Ever since Kendall had bought the tickets online and told them to pack for today the brunette had been on an emotional high, full of energy and impatience that was slowly deflating now that he actually was on his way to Minnesota. His old home. Surprisingly he found that he hadn't missed it too much in these last few months. At least not nearly as much as he missed his Cuda hair products whenever they were used up. And not even a hundredth of how much he missed Logan right now.

A heavy sigh escaped his lips. James wished so hard that their friend would hear them out once they found him, but the more he thought about it the more he couldn't believe that Logan would. And even if he did, how could they possibly explain this mess? They didn't even think about what to say to him yet. James sunk further into his seat. He was so tired. It seemed like the past few days had worn him out far more than he had noticed.

He closed his eyes while he thought of a way to give Logan an understanding of their point of view. After everything it would only be fair to tell him how it really was. That they had honestly no idea how all of this happened. But... would that be enough to convince Logan? To apologize and then say 'oh, we don't have a clue why we let you down'? Probably not. But they had to tell him this way. He deserved to know the truth.

When a sudden noise startled James he looked to his right to see Carlos leaning against the window and sleeping soundly. James smiled. How Carlos could fall asleep wherever and in whatever situation they were was an everlasting riddle to the brunette. Sometimes he wished that he could be just as carefree as him. To be so childish and innocent that the thought of kittens and cookies alone could make his day every time he was sad. But he couldn't. He didn't even really want to.

Kendall might always think that he alone was responsible for everyone, but James felt the need to protect the others just as much as he did. They even had this unspoken agreement that Kendall always looked out for Logan while James was there for Carlos at all times. If you asked them why, they would answer something like "We just have to" and let it go. The truth was, they didn't really know either. That was what true friendship was. Taking care of each other without asking questions.

So despite Logan being missing James still felt like he had to look out after his little Carlitos. To make sure he was okay and could stay his cheerful self that they all loved so much.

He asked one of the stewardesses for a pillow, then lifted Carlos' head (the Latino wouldn't notice anyway, he was a heavy sleeper) and put the cushion between him and the cold window so that he was more comfortable.

"It's really cute you know?"

James' head whipped around to his left where Katie sat and smiled warmly up at him.

"What?", he asked confusedly.

"You guys", she replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Your friendship. I always loved to watch you together. Not just you and Carlos, but also Logan and my brother. It's great to see that even in this shitty world we live in today there are still people who care for each other. It actually makes me kind of jealous."

James smiled and rubbed her arm lovingly.

"You know that I love you just as much, Katie. You're like the little sister I never had."

She chuckled softly. "Thanks, James." Her eyes grew serious. "I really hope that we can find Logan. You four need to be together again." She smirked. "After all you wouldn't survive a day on your own without him."

"Oh, like I don't know that?", he huffed, slightly amused, but sighed dejectedly right afterwards. "You know Katie," he said hesitantly. "When I first met him in kindergarten he was so afraid, he didn't even to talk to me. I asked him why once – we were already friends back then – and he said that I seemed so intimidating with my great hair and my cocky attitude." James chuckled quietly, but there was more sadness than humour behind it. "He said that he always wanted to be just like me. Good-looking and confident and talented and stuff. But I never understood why." He looked at Katie who listened intently to his story. She sensed that this was very important to James. "Because _I_ have always envied _him_, you know? Ever since the day we met. His charm, his brains, his everything. What impressed me the most was that he didn't even notice the effect he had on other people. He just was who he was and everybody loved him for it." James stared off into the distance. "I mean, sure, I am the face of the group and all the girls want me." He smiled sadly. "But Logan is so much more. He is a great person. Actually the greatest person I ever met. Someone_ I _always wanted to be like." James sighed again.

"You miss him very much, don't you?", Katie asked quietly.

The brunette looked up at her. His eyes held nothing but sorrow. "Yes", he whispered, his voice muffled with tears. "You know, we always had our problems because we are so different. But that's exactly what makes us such great friends. We round each other out. I need him." He took a shuddering breath and cleared his throat as if to compose himself while wiping the tears in his eyes away harshly.

Katie lay a comforting hand on his shaking arm. Her eyes were full of sympathy when she spoke quietly to the mournful brunette.

"Don't let worry mess you up so much, James. Logan can't have come too far by now and if he isn't in Minnesota anymore we will search him all over the world. In every single crevice and corner." She sounded so confident that he couldn't help but feel better slightly. "We will find him."

James looked out of the window as he lay his own hand over hers.

"I sure hope so, Katie. I sure hope so."

_~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~_

Carlos shivered in the freezing air outside the plane. Since when was it so damn cold here in Minnesota? He had already put on two extra jerseys and still the chills seemed to seep into his bones and leave him frozen. Damn, this time in LA had really sissified him in terms of weather.

He looked around the familiar airport he had been to so many times whenever he went on vacation with his family. Now there wasn't any excitement of coming home on his mind, there was just impatience. All he wanted was to start searching for Logan already, the sooner the better. Why didn't the others hurry it up for God's sake? Not only were there damn many lamos blocking his way, no, everyone on the gangway in front of him seemed to move extra slow just to mock him. Carlos groaned and bounced on his feet a few times.

"Come oooon!", he whined and tapped his fingers impatiently on the handle of his suitcase. Kendall lay a hand on his shoulder, half amused and half annoyed by his behaviour.

"You won't get faster to Logan by making a scene, Carlitos."

The younger glared at him.

"Yeah, but I also couldn't get any slower to him seeing as it is, Ken-doll."

The blonde just shrugged and started humming"Halfway There" just to have something to do. Even if he didn't show it just as much as the Latino, he was getting impatient too as time went by.

When they finally got their suitcases and stepped out of the airport they were fraught with determination.

"Okay, synchronize watches", Kendall commanded and the three friends pulled back their sleeves. Katie snorted.

"Mission impossible much, huh?", she said sarcastically. The boys chose to ignore her.

"We have to split up so we can find him faster", Kendall ordered, taking over the leader role as he always did. "James" The brunette nodded curtly in acknowledgement when Kendall addressed him. "You go to Logan's house and check if he's with his mum." James gave a thumbs up. The blonde turned towards the younger of them. "Carlitos, you search the park. Especially the bench where he always used to read." The Latino tapped his helmet twice. "Mum and Katie, you go to the hockey rink and ask everyone if they saw him." The two women nodded. "And I" Kendall pointed at himself. "am going to check the library. Alright?"

They all looked at each other for a moment, determination burning in their eyes. Then Kendall gave the final instruction.

"Move out!"

And with that they all went their separate ways, confident that they would soon be rejoined by their friend again. After all the chances of not finding Logan in such a small town were ridiculously slim. If not non-existent.

_~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~_

Logan entered the church with a reverent and slightly crestfallen feeling in his stomach. He had always felt like that when he used to attend worship here. Even though it was over six years ago he still remembered every little detail of this church, mostly because he always examined the drawings on the walls and the ceiling out of boredom when his parents made him go here. They had been a real family back then. Normal and happy. At least on the outside.

His footsteps echoed loudly through the empty hall as he made his way over to the altar. Suddenly he felt like the little boy he used to be again, dressed in his Sunday clothes and sitting silently in the background by his family while the other kids whispered and giggled quietly to each other until their mothers hushed them. Logan had never been like them. He had always been different, a boy with no friends (his neighbour, Kendall, could've barely counted as one) but great behaviour. He didn't talk much to the other children in kindergarten or school and he was always completely silent in church. His parents had told him not to talk when other people spoke because that was rude and he wasn't stupid enough to disobey his father. With the little confidence he had it took Kendall weeks to get him halfway out of his shell and make him talk to other kids besides him. That was when he met James and Carlos, who made the foursome of their friendship complete.

Kendall. His friends. It always lead back to them.

Logan took his cheap lighter out of the duffel bag and lit the candles on the marble altar one by one until the whole church seemed to glow in the flickering, orange light.

He looked down on the bible that lay in front of him. One of his fingers traced over the pages while he read the first line that caught his eye.

_Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven._

Logan smiled. They had learned about the Beatitudes more than once in class, these familiar lines offered some kind of comfort to him. He looked up at the statue of Jesus Christ on the wall. As a child it had always been a riddle to him why the Christians used such a horrible scene like a crucifixion to illustrate Jesus in their religion. Now of course he knew that it was because he sacrificed himself so his people could be free. At least the bible said so. Honestly, Logan didn't really believe in God's or his son's existence anymore. He thought that the men of a past age just wanted an explanation to all the things they didn't understand and finding someone who was responsible for everything made them feel more comfortable. It gave them some sense in their lives, to believe in wonders in miracles. Logan didn't think that all those stories of wonders the bible told were even halfway true, but the thought of some higher power was strangely comforting and gave him, like so many others, the hope that not everything was lost.

Without really knowing why Logan walked up to the large wooden cross behind the altar and fell to his knees. He folded his hands and – for the first time in six years – began to pray.

"Um... Hello God." Logan swallowed and cleared his throat. Where should he start? "Yeah, so... here we are now, I guess. Um... this is kind of awkward since I didn't pray at all in the last years and... well, I don't think I have to explain the reason why. You probably already know it, being omniscient and all. But... that doesn't explain why I'm praying right now." Once again he swallowed thickly. "Well, I know that I often said that I don't believe in you. I'm still not sure right now, but... I think everybody needs you, something to believe in. I do too." His gaze dropped down to the cold floor. "I just thought it's about time we talk again. Or better said, that_ I_ talk to _you_ again. It's kind of funny that the reason I stopped praying is the same thing that makes me start again. Maybe you remember my father? He used to go here a lot, I don't know if he still does." Logan looked up at the cross, his eyes slightly shining with all the emotion welling up inside him. "I don't know if you remember _me_ though... Last time I talked to you was when I was eleven. I hoped you could hear me back then. I told you everything, every night." He took a deep shuddering breath before continuing. "If you do remember me, you'll find that I'm not the same person I was as a child. You probably know everything that changed me, all the ups and downs and stuff. So I won't even start telling you all about my life and what brought me here. I'm not too good at talking about myself anyway." Logan chuckled without a hint of amusement before getting serious again. "I don't want to bother you with lamenting about pain and shit that happened to me. It wouldn't get me anywhere and after all I guess listening to other people's pain is basically what you do all day. So you probably wonder why exactly I'm here now if not for that." Logan closed his eyes for a few moments before continuing while tears started to trickle down his cheeks slowly. "The truth is... I am alone. I left my friends in LA and now my parents kicked me out because they don't want me anymore. I have nowhere to live and nobody to go to and I'm afraid of what is going to happen." Logan looked up at Jesus who looked back at him with his kind, unmoving expression. "What should I do, God? I'm so desperate, I'd do anything to get my old life back even if it was like hell to me. Everything would be better than what I have right now. My whole world is falling apart and every time I look back at it I think it's my fault alone." Logan's voice grew louder with each sentence. "I feel like I don't even know myself anymore, like I have lost who I am. I don't understand any of it and you know how I hate not understanding something. There are times I just want to give up and end it all, but then again I could slap myself for thinking about it. There are too many people I'd hurt if I killed myself. Like Katie and my friends. Or my mother. I couldn't bear doing anything that would hurt them, but I just... I can't go on like this anymore."

Logan put his face in his hands and breathed heavily, just barely restraining himself from breaking out in sobs. A few moments of silence passed by while he just listened to his own thumping heart. Jesus looked down on him from his cross, silently understanding and comforting but yet unfazed by the trembling boy on the floor. Logan didn't care. He hadn't been able to hold all of this in any longer, he needed someone to talk to even if it was a lifeless statue. Now that everything was said and not bottled up inside him anymore he felt better, like a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders. As soon as he thought he was composed enough to continue he started talking again, his voice shaking ever so slightly.

"I hope that you understand me and that this whole thing isn't pointless. I only want you to forgive me for ignoring you all this time, God. To know that I'm sorry for hating you for all the things that happened to me. I think maybe all of this had to happen for a reason and I wouldn't change my past for nothing, because it's what made me me." Logan wiped his nose. "I just have one more thing before I go. If I may, I want to ask you for a favour." He looked up at the cross pleadingly. "Please God, look out for the people I love. Kendall, Carlos and James. Mrs Knight and Katie. My family. I don't know where I'm gonna go from here, but I won't be able to protect them anymore." Logan wiped his tear-streaked face. "Just... please promise me that you won't let anything bad happen to them. Take anything you want from me, I don't care, but they are such great, loving people, they deserve a life of peace and happiness. I'd give everything to guarantee them that and if you want me to prove it I will." Logan rose from his knees and touched his folded hands to his mouth, whispering a quiet "Amen" which echoed loudly in the huge hall before it faded away. And with it went all the emotion Logan had talked off his soul in the past few minutes.

Logan blew out the candles and left the darkness of the empty church without looking back once. There was no reason to stay in here any longer. Now that he could finally breathe again.

_~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~_

James jogged along the familiar streets to Logan's old house. He had been there so many times, he could have found the way blindly if he had to. On his walk he saw multiple things that made memories of his days here rush back to him. Like the bakery where they always got their lunch before school. Or the sports ground where they used to play football in summer when the hockey rink was closed. He even recognized the tree Carlos fell off one day and broke his left leg. James smiled at that. Now that he was back in Minnesota it was actually kinda nice to see his home town again. But it was also bittersweet to walk these streets without his friends by his side.

A girl he knew from his old school crossed his path, he recognized her as Amy from the biology course. James greeted her friendly and relished in the way her eyes widened and beamed in response. Yep, being a famous popstar sure was great.

After about five minutes he stood in front of Logan's home. The street lamps were already powered, but it wasn't too late in the evening for the Mitchells to be still awake. James knocked and waited in silent excitement and slight fear. Would he see his friend again now? What would he look like, better or worse? How should he approach him after everything that happened? Would Logan forgive him? If he didn't, was begging a good last option?

Before he could think one of these questions through the door opened and the greeting James had on his lips got stuck in his throat.

"What are you doing here, James?", Mr Mitchell asked, sounding almost bored. The fact that the man remembered his name after all this time was both surprising and frightening. The brunette stood frozen on his spot. He had been prepared for everything, but not to see _him_.

"I asked you a question, kid", the taller said a bit louder when James didn't answer.

"I... Um..." His voice shook slightly, which didn't go unnoticed by Mr Mitchell. "I-I wanted t-to... Shouldn't you be in jail?", it burst out of him.

The man leaned against the door frame and rolled his eyes.

"I got released on bail if you must know, but that's beside the point. What do you want?" Now he sounded slightly threatening. James took a step backwards on instinct which caused the burly man to grin slightly.

"Um... Is Logan here?" The minute he said it he already knew the answer. If his father was here Logan would not dare stay at his house.

Mr Mitchell just laughed maliciously, confirming James' suspicion.

"Most certainly not," the man said, still chuckling and shaking his head. "Not anymore."

"What do you mean?", James asked suspiciously and slightly afraid. Whatever the man meant, it couldn't be good. Mr Mitchell examined his nails in boredom when he answered.

"Well, his mother and I kicked him out."

James couldn't believe it. "_What?_"

The brunette shot him an annoyed look. "I said we kicked him out. Are you deaf or what?"

James didn't even listen anymore. Logan's mother, the only person the small brunette had left right now had picked his abusive father over him. When Logan had nowhere else to go to.

_Oh my..._

"Where is he now?", James demanded fiercely.

Mr Mitchell shrugged and yawned.

"I could care less where this dipshit is." He waved a hand dismissively at the fuming boy in front of him. "Whatever. I'm tired." He went inside again and turned around to close the door.

"_Wait!_", James yelled and jumped forward, but the door already slammed shut right in his face. He banged his fists against the hard wood in frustration.

"You fucking bastard!", he screamed. "He's your son and you little fuck don't even care!"

Suddenly the curtains right next to the door opened and James saw Mrs Mitchell looking at him with a terrified look in her eyes. The hate he felt towards her only increased when she mouthed "Stop it please" before closing the curtains again.

"You fucking coward", he hissed in aggravation. "How could you do that to him?"

James stepped away from the door, panting heavily from his raging fit. After a good minute of just staring at the house in disgust he turned around and ran down the street all the way back to the corner from where he couldn't see Logan's previous home anymore. When he got there he pulled out his handy and dialled a number with shaking fingers.

"_Hello?"_, Kendall said when he picked up.

"Hey", James replied curtly. "I think I got something you need to know."

**To Be Continued...**

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><p><strong>Dun dun duuuun. So now James and apparently Kendall know the truth. What are they gonna do?<br>****I hope you enjoyed reading this :) See ya next chapter!**


	8. Real life

**Hey guys... I'm so so so sorry that it took me forever to write this. I've had an awful lot of exams in the last few weeks and I just didn't have the time and energy to continue writing. Again, I'm sorry :( I hope you still enjoy this chapter!**

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><p><strong>When Worlds Crumble<strong>

**Ch. 8 – Real life**

"His father is WHAT?", Carlos yelled furiously and jumped to his feet. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Shh!" Mrs Knight shushed the agitated boy and pulled him back down on his chair. "Not so loud. These guys over there are already looking."

The Latino couldn't care less about others people's opinions at this moment, but he sat back down again even if it was just to calm his second mother. His gaze was hard when he leaned forward and continued in a heated whisper. "You're telling me that this bastard is back in Minnesota? After all these years?" Carlos couldn't quite believe it. He knew that his friends wouldn't lie about something like that, but it just seemed too surreal to be true.

Kendall nodded in a defeated manner and pinched the bridge of his nose while James clenched his fists angrily in remembrance of what happened only 20 minutes ago. Oh how he longed to go back and strangle this man with his bare hands for hurting his brother further than he already did in the past.

After James' call Kendall had told the others to come to this fast food place so they all could deliberate on what to do next, but with the news of Mr Mitchell being back in town there was this creepy, dark foreboding creeping up on them all. What if Logan did something stupid because of this mess? He was already in a very bad fettle and getting kicked out of his old home by his own parents might just push him over the edge. The results could turn out so horrifying that none of them wanted to think this possibility through. But still they all couldn't shake the feeling that it _would_ happen if they didn't find Logan fast enough. The pressure was bone-crushing.

"Why does this have to be so fucked up?", Katie murmured to herself, hiding her tired face in her palms. She didn't remember Logan's father as clearly as the others did because she had been very young back then, but she knew all the terrible things he had done to Logan and that was enough for her to hate this man. And now he was back. She didn't even want to imagine what her lost brother had to be feeling right now. The horrid pain he was in during their earlier encounter would be nothing compared to his current situation.

Katie lay her head down on the table, not caring how childish this gesture looked. Somehow she felt like this was all her fault. Maybe if she had tried hard enough to keep him in LA Logan would've stayed. Then they wouldn't be sitting here right now, pondering on how to find their brother. A single tear ran down her cheek. Katie could've prevented all of this but she failed. Big time. And this was just too much for her. She didn't know how to handle this kind of failure.

Mrs Knight looked down on her clasped hands, for once not really knowing what to do or say. This whole situation with Logan's parents had caught her completely off guard. She had always seen Joanna Mitchell as one of her best friends. They had met in a hospital room when they were both pregnant with their children and immediately had a friendly vibe towards each other which had turned into a full-blown sisterhood over the years. They used to kaffeeklatsch whenever their boys played with each other and had been to all of their school festivals and trips together.

But this? Choosing her abusive husband over her own son? This was something Mrs Knight couldn't - and wouldn't - ever forgive her friend.

Besides all the excruciating fear motherly worry nagged at Mrs Knight too, hammering her with questions. Where was Logan at this moment? What was he gonna do now that he obviously was on his own? Was he even in Minnesota anymore?

She couldn't answer any of it and not knowing where her fourth son was scared her to no end. But she stayed put for her children. They needed a strong person to rely on and she wasn't going to let them down. What were mothers for after all?

Mrs Knight brushed Katie's hair with her fingers, silently comforting her the best she could.

"We just have to continue searching him, sweety", she said softly. "Maybe he's still somewhere near."

"Yeah, I think so too", Kendall affirmed and nodded his head in thought. "He took all that stress upon himself just to get here, he wouldn't leave anytime soon now that he finally is where he wants to be."

"I'm not too sure about that, Kendall", James said sadly. "If I were him I wouldn't want to stay in the town where my worst nightmare lives."

"He has a point", Katie piped up, finally lifting her head from the kitchen table again. "But I think we should still search for him", she added hastily when she noticed how Kendall's face fell at her words. "He could still be here."

"I guess", James confirmed, sounding not too convinced.

"We should give it a try", Mrs Knight said firmly and stood up. "You" She pointed at the teens. "go and check the main streets while I'm finding us a place to stay. We'll obviously stay here longer than I thought." She ran a hand through her hair before she looked at her kids again, determination in her eyes. "You four stay together all the time, no walking around here alone when I'm not with you, are we clear?"

"Yeah", they all chanted in unison. Mrs Knight nodded once more before grabbing her purse and storming out to her car.

James slumped into his chair, chuckling quietly to himself. When he noticed everybody giving him incredulous looks he simply turned to his blonde friend and shot him a small smile.

"Well, I guess now I know where you got those leader genes from, K-dall."

_~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~_

Three streets away Logan walked along the pavement, dragging his heavy duffel-bag with him. He had just been at his aunt's house (she lived in Minnesota, too), but nobody had opened the door. He assumed that she went on vacation or something, aunt Bea had always been a traveller as long as he could remember. His old friend Daniel didn't pick up when Logan called him and the brunette didn't want to just stand in front of their door and be like "Hello, can I stay here for like... the rest of my life?" Hell no. He wasn't going to put pressure on anybody without even asking for permission first. Now he was on his way along the side of town where he remembered the most motels and stuff. But the further he went the bigger his worry grew. Everything was too expensive for the little money he had with him. And if he didn't find a place to stay real soon he'd have to camp out here on the streets for another day. But that was definitely out of question. His back was already sore and he didn't need a cold right now to top his condition off, thank you very much.

So he strolled down the streets, asking here and there for a room, but he just didn't seem to have luck. It felt kind of biblical. No really, as time went by he felt more and more like Maria and Joseph. Only he wasn't pregnant.

Eventually Logan was too tired to continue his search. He sat down on the wayside and hid his face in his hands, a hopeless feeling settling in his stomach. The minutes passed by excruciatingly slow, leaving him alone in his endless pondering. Where could he possibly go from here?

"Yo, kid!"

Logan's head shot up in surprise as he turned around towards the source of the call. The grumpy voice belonged to a middle-aged, bulky man who peeked out from a small store right behind where the brunette sat. Logan's eyes widened as did the man's.

"Logan?"

"Charlie?"

The elderly man's face broke into a wide grin. It looked slightly creepy due to the lack of his two front teeth.

"Hey youngster! How ya doing? I thought you were outta here to... LA or something?"

Logan smiled widely when Charlie called him his old nickname, but frowned a little when LA was mentioned.

"Well, you see..." He stopped himself and looked down.

"Naaah, you don't have to tell me if you don't wanna, buddy", Charlie shouted happily and opened the old wooden door to his store. "Come on in here! It's way to cold outside to talk about old times!"

Logan chuckled at his friend's enthusiasm as he stepped inside. His old boss was just the way he remembered him. Back when the four boys were teenagers, about thirteen years or so, he and Kendall had bust the front window of his little store with their football and worked here to pay for the bills. Charlie had been nice and funny and soon became one of Logan's best friends despite their age difference. So even when he and Kendall had all the money for the window together Logan still worked here in his free time. Like that he got to see Charlie more often and had a nice little add to his pocket money.

"So, Logie", Charlie sighed as he sunk into his chair which gave a pitiful noise of protest at his weight. "How come you're out in the streets alone and with a duffel bag?"

His blue eyes pierced Logan's with a firm but also soft stare. That gaze. The brunette still knew it very well. It was Charlie's don't-lie-to-me-I'll-see-through-it-anyways-cause-I-can-read-you-like-a-book gaze. Logan sighed heavily.

"Okay, long story short: I left my friends in LA cause they are douches, took the first plane to Minnesota I could, saw that my dad was back at my old home, got kicked out by my parents and couldn't find a place to stay yet," he said in one breath.

Charlie blinked slowly. Once. Twice. Logan swore he could practically see the wheels turning behind those concerned blue eyes as he comprehended the given information. Then Charlie shrugged.

"Well, you can stay here if you want." The old man smiled and stood up, his chair thanked him with another creak. "I'll go make us some pancakes." With that he waddled out into the adjoined kitchen, humming some cheery tune all along.

This time it was Logan's turn to blink dumbly. He expected a sheer flood of pity he didn't want and now this was the reaction? Logan could barely refrain from laughing out loud. This was something so... Charlie. Your life is screwed up? Oh, I'm sorry, here, have some tea and a pancake!

Logan chuckled. Pancakes were one of the biggest weaknesses of Charlie. He ate them all the time, whenever he possibly could, no matter in which situation. It was kind of weird at first, but Logan had gotten used to it. The brunette leaned back in his own chair and smiled. Now was the first time he realized just how much he had missed Charlie. They used to talk a lot when he worked here, it was a great way to blow off some steam or deal with most of his personal problems. Charlie knew almost as much about Logan as Kendall, Carlos and James did which was why he was so comfortable around the old man. Here he didn't have to pretend to be somebody he wasn't like he had to with his parents.

"What did _you_ do the last few years, Charlie?", Logan called out into the kitchen to distract himself from the sadness he felt when he thought about his father and mother. He got an immediate response.

"Aaah, a little of this, a little of that... Moved my store into this part of town, got new customers and a new toothbrush... The usual." Logan chuckled as Charlie returned into the room, carrying a steaming pile of banana pancakes and two cups of tea on a plate.

"Here you go, youngster", Charlie grinned as he handed Logan his food.

"Thanks", the brunette beamed gratefully and dug in, noticing how hungry he was now that he saw the food. He hadn't had any since the flight.

After a few minutes of eating in comfortable silence Charlie clasped his hand together, something he always did when he wanted to say something important. Logan perked up his ears immediately.

"Sooo... I assume you want to stay here, right?" Charlie didn't even wait for a response before he continued. "I'd say you take the couch you always read on in the afternoons. I still have it. It's in the guest room right there" He pointed to another door. "and you can reach the store from it, too. I just got one question for you before you settle in." Charlie moved closer so he could look his smaller friend directly in the eyes. His gaze was dead serious. "Where will you go from here, Logan?"

Ouch. Leave it to Charlie to pick the one question Logan couldn't answer. The brunette lowered his head.

"I don't know", he replied in a small voice.

Charlie nodded as if he expected that answer and leaned back into his chair, laying his hands on his belly. "Once you know it... you'll tell me, alright?", he asked kindly. He knew how hard this was for Logan and the brunette appreciated that he didn't pressure him into answering right ahead.

"Alright", Logan said quietly. Then he looked up. "Charlie?" The elder man raised his eyebrows and hummed in acknowledgement. Logan took a deep breath and sighed sadly. "I think..." He swallowed around the lump forming in his throat. "I think I have to get out of Minnesota."

Charlie looked at him silently for a long time before nodding. "I know."

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><p><strong>BOOM! This was chapter 8 for y'all :) Tell me what you think please! Oh and btw do you like Charlie? I didn't actually plan his character or anything, he just kind of popped up in my head while I wrote it :) Also, what do you think Logan's gonna do now? And what about Kendall, Carlos and James? I hope I won't take that long for the next chapter, but I'm afraid I can't promise anything... See you next time! - Ani<strong>


	9. Resolution

**Heyyyyy... what's cracking you guys? Here is the next chapter y'all have been waiting for! … Yeah, probably not. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it :)**

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><p><strong>When Worlds Crumble<strong>

**Ch. 9 – Resolution**

When Logan woke up he felt strange. Somehow like a mixture of fidgety and joyful. At first he couldn't quite put a finger on what this feeling was exactly, but it hit him as soon as he looked around and saw Charlie's familiar furniture. Of course. For the first time in weeks he felt like the world was alright. Not good, but alright. And that alone was like a miracle to him.

He had spent the last two days working at Charlie's store, just like old times, and drinking tea with his friend in the evening. Logan hadn't had that much peace in what felt like years and he loved Charlie for making him feel so safe and welcome. But he also knew that it wouldn't – couldn't – stay this way for long. He couldn't spend the rest of his life here, as much as he wanted to, and after all he had already decided that he'd leave Minnesota anyway. He just needed a temporary place to stay.

When he wasn't busy in the store he called every single one of his friends and relatives, asking if he could live with them for a couple of weeks. So far he hadn't been denied once. Technically he could already be on a plane off to North Dakota to live with his uncle Terry or to Tennessee to stay at Simon's, a friend he met back when he was a boy scout. But it was like something was holding him back. Something that made him come up with the stupidest excuses to stay, delaying his departure again and again when in reality he only had one real reason not to leave right now.

"They won't come, Logan."

The brunette startled out of his thoughts and turned around to see Charlie sitting in his chair, a pancake in hand, eying him with a serious look. And of course knowing exactly what he'd been thinking about. Again. Logan sighed.

"I know that."

Charlie's gaze softened. "I don't doubt that you know", he said quietly. "But I think you don't want to believe it."

Logan turned his head away and looked out of the window.

"You don't have to do this, Logan."

The brunette's heart twanged in sadness. Mrs Knight had said exactly the same thing to him before he left. Why couldn't anyone understand that he had no choice?

"Yes I do."

"No you don't. You can always go back to what you had." Logan turned back around, surprised by the slightly hard tone in Charlie's voice.

"How would _you_ know?", he asked suspiciously. The elder man smiled a little.

"Haven't you learned not to question a dodderer's wisdom yet, youngster?", Charlie said winking at him. Logan chuckled and crossed his arms playfully.

"And haven't you learned not to wonder about a youngster's curiosity yet, dodderer?", he teased back. When Charlie laughed lightheartedly at the stupidity of their conversation Logan felt the corners of his mouth lift a little. Being around his old friend always felt so easy. Why couldn't it be like that all the time?

"Whoa, what's with the face?", Charlie asked upon seeing Logan's frown reappear. He patted the seat next to him. "Come on, sit down and talk to me. You've been on your own way too much lately anyway. All that moping and thinking could cause serious damage to your brain!"

"I think it's more the overflow of tea in my cells that makes my brain mushy, thanks a lot", Logan grinned.

Charlie sat up straight in his chair and pointed a finger at him. "Ah! I see a smile there!"

Logan giggled and shook his head. "You're ridiculous."

The elder man waved a hand at him dismissively. "Whatever. So now tell me, what are you thinking about all the time?" And just like that they were serious again. The look in Charlie's eyes made it seem like he already knew what it was, so Logan simply got to the point.

"I want to leave, but I can't."

"Because of your friends", Charlie stated, nodding his head thoughtfully.

Logan sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose before looking out of the window again. "Look, I know that the chances are slim, but... I can't help but think that they'll come for me eventually. It's stupid. If they wanted to follow me they'd already be here. And they aren't."

"You miss them, don't you?"

Logan closed his eyes and nodded, a lump forming in his throat. "Yes", he croaked and cleared his throat in an attempt to regain composure. Charlie leaned closer, concern written all over his face.

"You know that I'm the last person on earth who wants to crush your hopes, youngster", he began softly. "But you shouldn't let your past keep you from moving on."

A tear escaped Logan's eye. "I know." He wiped it away angrily. "I just..." He took a deep breath. "I'm afraid."

"Of what?"

He finally looked up at Charlie again, deep sorrow in his eyes. "That they'll hate me if I walk away from them. For good."

"They won't," Charlie said sincerely. "They love you."

Logan scoffed. "Yeah, right."

"Deep down inside you know that they still do." The elder man's piercing blue eyes seemed to look right into the brunette's soul. "Even after what they've done to you. I bet they feel terrible right now."

"Then why aren't they here?" Charlie's heart broke a little when he heard Logan's tone. He sounded so wounded, so vulnerable, like a scared little boy who only wanted his daddy to make it right again. Logan looked up at his friend with tears pooling in his eyes. "Why, Charlie?"

They were both silent for a long time, just staring at each other.

"I'm sorry youngster,"Charlie finally admitted, "but I honestly don't know." His gaze swept off into distance. "I hoped that they would show up during the last few days, but... now I don't think they will. I'm really sorry", he repeated, sighing quietly.

Logan lowered his head and looked out of the window again. People walked by with their heads bowed down, shielding their faces against the cold wind. Logan didn't recognize any of them. When he grew up here it was like everybody knew everybody. Whenever he walked the streets he was always greeted left and right by classmates, neighbors or acquaintances. But times had changed and so had Logan. This wasn't his home anymore. And it could never be again, not after everything that happened.

"I will leave tomorrow", Logan proclaimed suddenly and turned back around to Charlie. "I'm sorry, this isn't because of you, but I can't stay here any-"

The elder man held up a hand, effectively silencing Logan.

"I understand." He grinned slightly. "Honestly, I was mildly surprised you even bore me for so long."

Without another word Logan hugged his old friend as tightly as he could.

"Thank you", he whispered hoarsely, tears evident in his voice and his chest tight with emotion.

"Anytime", the older man responded quietly and tightened his hold on the boy he loved like his own son.

They stayed like that for a long time, old friends saying their final 'Goodbye', neither wanting to let go of this small, peaceful moment. They both knew that after tomorrow they would probably never see each other again.

_~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~_

The next day came way too soon. Time seemed to be a blur until suddenly it was already evening and two hours until Logan's flight went. His stuff was all packed up in his duffel bag and ready to go. Now he and Charlie sat in the kitchen, waiting for the cab to come and pick him up. Luckily he had gotten one of the last tickets for tonight at short notice.

"How are you, Logan?", Charlie asked after a few minutes of comfortable silence. He sounded not

half as sad as Logan had expected him to be, but he probably just hid it well so the brunette wouldn't feel bad about leaving.

"I don't know", he answered honestly. "I feel... kind of relieved. But also sad. A little nervous."

Charlie nodded and patted his shoulder.

"It's gonna be okay."

Logan smiled. "Thanks. Not just for your comfort, but... for everything."

Charlie smiled warmly and they sat in silence again until they heard the cab honk from outside.

"Well," Logan said a little subdued. "I guess it's time."

"Yeah," Charlie sighed and stood up. "I have to close the shop anyway. It's getting late."

Logan grabbed his duffel bag and stepped outside into the cold air, shivering slightly. He turned around to his old friend who locked the door to his store before smiling and opening his arms to Logan one last time.

"C'mere, youngster."

The young brunette flung himself into his friend's arms and they hugged once more, savouring their small moment.

"Bye Charlie."

"Bye Logan."

And with that the brunette walked towards the cab where the driver already waited for him impatiently, hopefully off to a new, better life. For real this time.

_~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~_

"We've already been over there, Kendall. Twice. He isn't there."

"I know."

"It's been four days, dude. _Four days!_ There isn't one place he could be at anymore. We looked everywhere!"

"I know."

"Then why..."

"SHUT THE HELL UP OKAY!", Kendall screamed and turned around towards his friends sitting at the table in their apartment. "We can't just stop searching because we didn't find him yet! He is still out there, I _know_ it!"

"Kendall", Katie said calmly, her hands up in front of her defensively. "We don't want to stop looking for him. Honestly. It's just... he isn't here anymore." She held up a finger when he opened his mouth to protest. "And don't try to fight it, cause we all know it's true. He could be anywhere right now!"

Kendall's shoulders slumped. "I know", he admitted dejectedly. "But I don't want to just sit around doing nothing."

Carlos lay his head on the table and breathed out heavily through his nose. The last few days had been the most stressful time of his short life. He, Kendall and James had combed all of the streets thoroughly, looked at every place they used to hang at when they were kids, checked all of their former hiding spots outside of town, hell they even asked Mrs Majakowski if she had caught a glimpse of Logan. But their friend seemed to be disappeared from the face of the earth. The suspense made Carlos more than a little jumpy and he found himself fiddling with his shirt every time he had nothing to do, a clear as day sign that he was more than nervous.

Kendall on the other hand got more and more aggressive as time went by. He snapped at everyone (even his mum!) and picked up small fights every chance he got. To top it off he couldn't sleep well at night which made him all the more grumpy the next morning. Not that his friends minded, after all they had known Kendall for years now and were used to it. He didn't mean to be rude, it was just his way of expressing how scared he really was.

As the leader of their group Kendall couldn't stand any member of his 'pack' missing. They were like family to him and he saw it as his job to keep them together. It was just who he was. And now that Logan was gone he felt like he had failed at his biggest duty in life. It was almost like his personality itself had taken a massive blow because he couldn't keep up with it. And it tore him apart.

"I hate this," the blonde mumbled and continued his pointless pacing.

James sighed and rubbed a hand over his tired face. "I know, bro. We all do."

Yesterday had worn the tall brunette out terribly. He had been the most enthusiastic in their search, running the streets up and down all day long. Now that the adrenaline in his veins had died down he felt like a truck just run over him. Beyond that he hadn't showered in days and his hair looked like something else. But somehow he couldn't bring himself to care which was a huge shock to everyone around him. Even Mrs Knight had gasped when he answered to Kendall's comment "You look like shit" with only a shrug and nothing more. Honestly, his looks were the last thing he worried about right now.

And now they all sat in silence, unsure of what to do anymore. Not finding Logan had completely crushed them. They had known from the start that this wouldn't be easy, but not finding him at all? This was just excruciating. Their hope had become slimmer and slimmer during the last few days and at this point they didn't even think they would ever see him again at all.

Mrs Knight stood up and went over to the phone. She picked it up and turned back around to see all of her children looking at her expectantly. "Okay, here's my suggestion." She held the phone up. "We book a flight back to LA for tomorrow and spend today looking for him one last time. We can't stay here forever and if he's not here we won't be able to continue our search. But we'll go to the police and ask them to send out a search party. They have better chances to find him anyway and if he's still out there they will. Alright?"

They all nodded.

"Good. Katie, we'll cover the north half together and you three check south." She dialled a number, most definitely the airport. "I'll get the tickets now."

"Awesome!" Kendall jumped up with a new rush of energy and was already halfway out the door when Carlos and James stood up and followed him, fresh hope blossoming in their chests.

_Today we will find him_, Kendall thought. _I just know it._

_~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~_

It was already evening when they finally got to the last street left in the southern half of town. After their long, unsuccessful search the three boys all but crawled on the pavement, that's how exhausted they were. When they were close to the entry of the street James suddenly stopped, causing the other two boys to turn around confusedly.

"What's the matter?", Kendall asked.

"I'm tired", the taller boy whined. "Can't we just skip this street? He won't be there anyway."

"No!", Carlos said firmly. "We can still find him. We haven't been in this street today yet."

"And the chance that he's in there is what?", James snorted tiredly. "One to a million?"

"He's got a point", Kendall said quietly. "We've already been here yesterday, remember? And we'd have to walk all the way back up this street again to get to our hotel."

Carlos stared at his friends incredulously, crossing his arms. "Do you want to find Logan or not?", he snapped at them sharply. "Because you sure as hell don't act like it right now."

Realizing what they had just said both boys bowed their head in shame.

"M'sorry", James mumbled. "I'm just depressed."

Carlos' gaze immediately softened and he patted the taller boy's shoulder comfortingly.

"I know", he sighed. "Let's just get this over with."

They all continued walking, James dragging his feet on the asphalt ever so slightly until they finally got to the entrance of the street.

"Okay, keep your fingers crossed," Carlos said just before they walked around the corner.

"What's the point?", Kendall said devastatedly. "He won't be there."

"You don't know that. Maybe...", Carlos began, but shut his mouth when Kendall only shook his head.

"I don't think he's here anymore. We would've already found him."

Just as the Latino was about to answer he saw something that stopped him in mid-step. His eyes widened.

"Guys?", he croaked, his throat suddenly dry.

The other two kept walking, their heads bowed down.

"I mean, this town isn't all that big. Where could he have hidden for so long?"

"Guys," Carlos repeated, a bit louder this time. They looked back at their friend who pointed at a cab about a hundred metres in front of them across the street. Kendall squinted his eyes slightly to see what his friend referred to.

He saw a young man standing with his back to him while putting his blue duffel bag inside the car. The brunette was about to get in when suddenly he turned so that Kendall could see his face. The blonde froze and sucked in a sharp breath. Nervous adrenaline pumped through his veins as he watched the man get in and shut the door of the cab, finally snapping him out of his daze.

"...L-Logan?"

**To Be Continued...**

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><p><strong>Okay, I'm sorry for this cliffhanger, but the next chapter will be up pretty soon so I hope you won't kill me... The next one will also be the last one, so get ready for the final confrontation :D Please tell me what you think because your Reviews make my day! - Ani<strong>


	10. Wash the pain away

**Hello all you lovely readers, this is the last chapter of "When Worlds Crumble". I am SOOO sad :'( First of all I want to thank all the people who gave me absolutely AWESOME feedback and left a review for me:**

**PopcornLover, squoctobird, Logan Henderson Is Mine, Yoursomeday, Scarlett, Jessayra, BTRlove18, BTR'slovesong, Carla, TerraAustralis, HeatherXx, AlexaSummer, RNB1998, NoctePluvia, TheseThingsChange, Mist97, Milkamoo97, Agent Green Dolphin, CheekyBrunette, , Ozelot is a Logienator, Reinier, TexasSupernaturalCowgirl, Kittiesrock25, Bibz, just jay., LoveKuriso, StargazerDaydreamer, kariina55, Tattle-tail-Secret09, TidusGT, x-Lee-x-Chris-x-Logie's girl-x and**** witnessgreatness21.**

**I HONESTLY LOVE ALL OF YOU! You always made my day with your awesome comments and made me feel like I was special :D (cheeeeeeesy^^) No, but honestly. Thank you so much!  
><strong>**I don't really want this to be over because I LOVED writing this story, but I also don't want to distend it too much, so yeah... For the last time in this story: I hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

><p><strong>When Worlds Crumble<strong>

**Ch. 10 - Wash the pain away**

Kendall couldn't believe his eyes. His mouth hung agape as he watched his friend from afar, his mind literally doing cartwheels. He shook his head and blinked a few to times to reassure himself that he wasn't dreaming or imagining things. When he opened his eyes again hesitantly the cab was still there. And with it was Logan. A wide smile spread on the blonde's face when reality hit him.

They did it.

They found Logan.

And that just before he was about to stop hoping altogether. Kendall felt his knees buckle from the sheer intensity of his happiness and grabbed the street lamp next to him to hold his body upright. Tears of joy filled his eyes when it went through that his little brother wasn't gone. He was still here in Minnesota. And within arm's reach!

The blonde's feet stumbled forward on their own accord with new-found energy. The immense gratitude and heartfelt _relief _made him so light-headed that a quick laugh escaped his lips. It felt as if these last few days of pain and misery had never happened. When he started jogging along the street towards Logan he thanked whatever might that was responsible for this to happen. He had his brother back. And he sure as hell wouldn't let him leave ever again.

_~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~_

After Logan finally got all of his stuff and himself tucked into the cab he let out a sigh of relief. Now he could draw a line and forget all of the drama that was his life. And hopefully move on to a better future. He was just about to tell the cab driver the address of his airport when he realized that his watch was missing. Mentally cursing at himself he leaned forward a bit.

"Excuse me", he said to the driver who stared back at him blankly. "I forgot something in there. Could you wait a sec here, please?"

The guy nodded curtly, clearly not interested.

Logan muttered a small "Thank you" before he ran back to Charlie who was just about to leave his store.

"Hey again." The elder man looked up in surprise. "I forgot my watch in there, could you give me your keys for a moment?"

Charlie chuckled and muttered something about "oblivion at such young age" under his breath before tossing him the keys. "Here you go."

"Thanks", Logan said with a grin, opened the door and stepped inside the shop.

_~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~_

Kendall started to full-out run now, all of his tiredness gone. He saw Logan getting out of the cab again and talking to an elderly man whom he recognized as his old boss, Charlie. The blonde could've slapped himself for not thinking about this sooner. Of course Logan would want to stay at a friend's house after all the pain he had to...

_Oh god._

Kendall stopped dead in his tracks, eyes widening. He had completely forgotten about their situation!

Heavy fear crept up on him when he realized how horribly this whole thing could play out. After their little encounter at the airport Kendall knew better than to think that Logan was well-disposed towards him. There was no way in hell the brunette would want to see him right now! And to think that he had just wanted to go in there and be like "Oh cool we found you, let's head home now!" Stupid. Really stupid, Kendall.

What had he been thinking? That Logan would be happy to see him? That he would take him back as his friend without hesitation? No, Kendall wasn't that dopey. After all _he_ was the reason Logan left in the first place.

Kendall swallowed heavily. How could he possibly approach his friend after everything that happened? And even more importantly: How could he ever make it up to him? The blonde couldn't take back what he had done to his friend anymore. All the hurt, all the pain, it would always be there and no matter how hard he tried, he could never rid himself of this guilt.

Kendall took a step back and only the urge to see his friend stopped him from running away like he wanted to. He would never admit it to himself, but he was afraid. No scratch that, he was petrified!

_Gosh, man up already, Knight!_ his inner voice snarled. _You're not gonna chicken out now that you're so close! Whatever will happen, you will suck it up like a man and not freak like out like a pussy about it! Now go and make things right!_

Kendall flinched. Saying it like that sounded just rude, even for a teenage boy's mind. Maybe that was because it was so true. The blonde couldn't chicken out now. He'd hate himself if he did. So Kendall did the only reasonable thing and took a hesitant step forward, trying to convince himself that he could do this. No, he _needed_ to do this.

Kendall had barely noticed until now that Carlos and James stood next to him, waiting for him to make the first move. He still was their leader after all. The expectancy in their eyes made him stronger and gave him the confidence to make another step, less shaky than his first.

The blonde took a very deep breath and closed his eyes for a brief moment to collect his thoughts. What would he say to Logan? How would the brunette react to seeing him? There were way too many possibilities of what _could_ happen right now.

What if Logan didn't accept him anymore? What if he hated him? What if...

_What if Logan had been gone and Kendall would've never gotten the chance to apologize?_

The blonde's eyes snapped wide open at this realization. He never even stopped to think about how lucky he was. Lucky that Logan wasn't gone. That he was right there, only a couple metres away from him. That Kendall had the chance to make up for his mistakes.

Right now, right here he could make all of this right. He had to be strong and do this for their friendship. And if Logan didn't forgive him... then at least Kendall could say he tried to fix things. He had nothing to lose.

With this thought in mind the blonde picked up his pace again until he was running in determination, the reassuring sound of James and Carlos' footsteps following him.

_~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~BTR~_

Logan groaned in frustration as he searched through the various drawers in his guest room. How the hell could he have possibly lost his damn watch? He was just about to look on the desk in the store when he heard a shout behind him.

"_HEY!_ What're you doing here boy?" Huh? Did Charlie mean him? Logan turned around, ready to say something when he felt himself being crushed by two familiar arms.

_...W-What... the FUCK's going on here?_

His mind needed a few moments to comprehend that the blonde figure hugging him in a vice like grip was, indeed, Kendall 's eyes widened.

_That's not possible._

Before he could say anything another two pairs of arms wrapped around him. James and Carlos. Paralysed by shock he just let it happen for a few seconds but as soon as he was able to move again he tried to push them away.

"Guys! What-?"

"God, Logie, we are such idiots!"

Logan froze again. Did he really just hear that?

"We hurt you so bad and I didn't even notice it", Kendall cried into his shoulder, clinging to him desperately. "Please, just... hear me out. Please! You're my best friend and I don't want to lose you forever just because I am so fucking stupid!"

Logan's head felt like it spun in circles. This couldn't be real. Was his mind playing tricks on him?

"If I could explain all of it I would right now." It seemed like out of his three best friends Kendall took the talking upon himself. "But I can't, because I don't even know how all of this started." Kendall's grip on Logan's shoulder tightened even more. "There's no way to apologize for our actions and I don't expect you to forgive us in any way, but I just want you to know I am more sorry than I ever was in my life, because I lost you. I lost my brother and I loathe myself for all of this."

Yep, Logan must be hallucinating. There was no way Kendall would ever say that to him.

"I would do anything, you hear me? Anything to get my brother back. I know that you've probably moved on and I can't blame you one bit for it. Just believe me that I am truly sorry. I was... I don't know, blind or something. Gosh, it sounds so dumb right now. I can't even put it into words how much of an idiot I was. I didn't notice once how much you hurt and God, it really tears me apart to think about what you had to go through."

Logan started sobbing quietly, his fists balled tightly at his sides. Maybe this wasn't a dream. His friends understood. They finally understood.

"And that thing with your father?" Kendall hugged him even closer when Logan tensed. "I want to apologize for that too."

"How do you know?", the brunette whispered raspily, his fists balled tightly at his sides.

Kendall started stroking his back comfortingly and continued in a soothing tone. "We talked to him, well James did, because we wanted to find you and your father kinda told us what happened. I'm so so sorry that you had to go through that alone. I wish I would've been there to protect you or at least comfort you. But I wasn't. You don't deserve something like this to happen, hell, nobody does, but you especially not. You didn't ever do anything wrong in this whole situation or even before that. But _we_ did. We let you down and I am so, _so_ incredibly sorry." Kendall tightened his hold again, still careful not to crush Logan in his arms. "I love you, brother, really, I always will. And... I need you. Even if you don't think so yourself, we all need you. We aren't the same without you. I hope you know that."

"You're lying." Logan nearly choked on his words. "You don't need me."

Three pairs of eyes looked up at him.

"You have no idea where we would be without you, huh?", Carlos said quietly. "Who would be there to stop me from stunting myself to death? Or to keep James grounded when he's having his rants about fame? Or help Kendall in school so he doesn't completely fail in English and Math? And most importantly:" Carlos' eyes were bright with emotion when he looked at Logan. "Who would be out bestest friend for life?"

"Anyone could do that", Logan mumbled. "I'm nothing special."

Three hearts twanged painfully at his crestfallen tone. That was how Logan saw himself?

James spoke up first. "You ARE special, Logan. Hell, you're the most special person on this planet to me." He stroked the smaller boy's spiked hair lovingly and Logan leaned into the touch he craved for so long. "You're a wonderful person and a great friend. And if I... if _we_ made you forget that... I'm unbelievably sorry. You're worth so much more than having morons like us as your friends."

"No I'm not", Logan said, but finally hugged them back. His friends sighed in relief when they felt two small arms reaching around all of their backs. "I'm so happy you understand me now. When you weren't there... I thought you had forgotten me." His voice broke at the end of the last sentence.

"Never!" They all shouted sternly in unison. Despite the less than funny situation Logan had to laugh a little at that.

"God, it's so good to hear you laugh again, Logie", Kendall sighed and pressed his face into the smaller boy's shoulder. "I haven't heard that in ages."

Logan swallowed thickly. "So... you know now?"

"Yes", James said, voice tight with emotion. "I'm so sorry for ignoring you. And turning you down because of some stupid girl. And not listening to you when you said something. And pulling stupid pranks on you. And-"

"Okay, okay." Logan patted James' back. "I believe you."

"I just hope we can be friends again", Carlos whispered. "Do you... do you think you can forgive us? At some point in the future?"

Logan tightened his hold on all of them. "Of course I forgive you", he said. "I'm a lucky bastard for having such great friends."

Kendall nearly crushed Logan in his arms at that point.

"Don't say that Logie, we don't deserve it at all. You shouldn't trust us again just like that." Logan was stunned. He didn't expect Kendall to take all of this that serious. The blonde looked Logan deep in the eye. "But I can promise you one thing. We will never hurt you like that again."

"Really?" Logan's question was shy and quiet. "You promise?"

"Promise", came their soft reply. And Logan believed them.

The four boys stood tangled in each others arms for what felt like eternity, just relishing in the others' heartbeats next to their own again. The familiar feeling of "together" was back and it was just too damn great to be ended too soon.

"Hey, boys! Sorry to interrupt the scene, but I have to close my shop now!"

They looked up to see Charlie smiling knowingly and waving at them to get out of the way. Logan's gaze fell onto the taxi waiting for him outside. This was his last chance to make a decision. But there wasn't one to make anymore, he finally knew what he really wanted. Kendall looked down at him.

"Go home? With us?"

Logan smiled and his face seemed to light up like the sun, all of his pain washed away for this short, precious moment.

"Always."

* * *

><p><strong>Dun, dun duuun – THE END<strong>

***Wipes her eyes with tissue* It's over... it's really over... :'((( *blows her nose* Gosh, I'm so emotional...^^  
><strong>**When I wrote the last lines here the song "I'm Coming Home" by J. Cole popped up in my mind. You know, the "I'm coming home, I'm coming home, tell the world I'm coming home. Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday" part. I don't know, I think it fits very well :)  
><strong>**Thank you so much for reading my story and sticking with me till the very end. Now, please make my day and leave a last review to tell me what you think about all of this :)**

**Love you all, Ani**


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